I'm sorry what did you say??

So there are times in ones life when we find ourselves totally speechless due to words coming from another. Now those that know me, know that I am never short of a word or a million. The old verbal diarrhoea thats me. Anyway I had one of those times in my life where I found myself with my mouth dropped open and no words able to come out...

We were up at the Big House for dinner over the Easter weekend. The Big House is the residence of Holly's Grandparents (Farmer Brown's Mum and Dad). Now for some reason they don't seem to be getting the hang of being Grandparents too well. Don't get me wrong they love little Miss Holly to pieces but they have nothing up at their house for her. No toys, no cot/bed for her to sleep in, no chairs for her to sit on, no play mat for her to lie and play on. Holly is normally presented with a scabby old brown towel to lie on the floor on. Holly only has what is in her nappy bag, that I bring, to play with when we go up there. I have stopped dragging all her stuff up there and think that it is about time they came to the party.

Anyway...the usual scabby old brown towel is brought out for Holly to lie on. Only this time Nanny brings out two large square pillows from the media room. Now these are no ordinary pillows...these are the pillows that we normally put our feet up on when we are in there watching rugby etc! Nanny suggests that Holly could be propped up against them on the floor while we eat our dinner. Wasn't too keen on the fact that they were the "feet" pillows, but regardless of this she was placed on the wooden floor and of course she just slid everywhere. She isn't able to sit on her own yet, so everytime she was placed up against the pillow while sitting on the towel she of course just slides everywhere. Adding to the fact that she is really active at the moment she ended up flat on her back on the floor again after wiggling and sqwirming round like she does.

So here it comes...the mouth open wide moment...are you ready for this...you had better sit down...

Nanny speaks up now: "How about we tie her to the dinning chair so that she can sit up at the table with us?"

WTF - was running through my head. Thank god this was one of the few times in my life where I managed to jam the brake on my tongue before I said what I was really thinking!

I managed calmly to say "Umm, no I don't think that is very appropriate. To tie her to a chair. Considering the chair is leather she will probably slide off." To which Nanny replied "Oh well we could get one of the plastic outside chairs and tie her to that instead." Again WTF? "Umm, no I really don't want her tied to anything. I will just hold on to her while I eat my dinner thanks".

Like I said...LOST FOR WORDS!

This comes on top of another incident a couple of days before...

Farmer Brown and I had arranged for Nanny to look after Holly for a couple of hours so that we could go to the movies at the local theatre. Now this is only the second time that we have "alone time" since we had Holly.

We decided we would go on Easter Friday as the shops were shut and we could go shopping on Saturday when they reopened. Friday morning I get a call from Nanny asking what day we were going to the movies. "Um today as we had arranged when we asked you, why?" Nanny: "We want to take our friends out to the coast to look at the waterfall and then stay out there for dinner as that way we can show them the glow worms on our way back to the farm. You could go tomorrow to the movies if you want." Me: "Well we were going to go today as the shops are closed and there isn't much to do. I will have to check and see if the movie is on tomorrow." "Oh it is, I have already checked for you. So I will see you tomorrow then?" Me "Sure whatever."

OMG what grandparent does that? It's not like we ask them all the time to look after Holly. And the "friends" they wanted to take out to the coast...well they are the same friends that are here every other weekend which of course means they could go out there any number of times when they are here. When these friends come to stay they are normally here for 4 or 5 days so plenty of time to do this. I just don't get it!

We didn't end up going to the movies on either days. Don't think that I will be asking them again to look after Holly in a hurry! Felt really let down and disappointed. During conversation at the infamous dinner, I asked how their trip out to the coast went. I know naughty but I just couldn't help myself. Granddad tells me he didn't even go, as he didn't really want to since they had only been out there doing the same things a week ago and that he gets car sick on the windy road out there! Nanny then tells me that they didn't end up staying for dinner out there or looking at the glow worms and were home later in the afternoon! WTF?! Holy Crap Batman!

Yep yep yep...speechless again! I am surprised my head didn't explode off my shoulders!

Then just to top that night off I was told several times after dinner what a mean Mummy I was...why you ask?

Well I wanted to show them how Holly can roll over now, as they haven't seen her do that yet. I put her down on one of the plush mats that I have in the nappy bag for her to lie on when at visitors places. I put one of her favourite toys, also in the nappy bag, just out of her reach so that she can grab out for it and roll over to show her grandparents just how cool and clever she is. Well how wrong could I be. Nanny grabs up the toy and puts it in front of Holly while telling me how mean I am for doing that. How would I feel I she put things out of my reach so I couldn't get to it? WTF? (man I have said that a lot in the blog. Sorry!)

In my mind I am saying "just walk away, just walk away!" I must have changed a bit since I became a Mum, because I would normally just have lost the plot at someone saying something like that to me. Holly has mallowed me it would seem!

Right I think I can put that behind me now. Man it feels better to get that off my chest! Sorry if your ears are bleeding! haha!

Lets hope the only reasons in the future that I am left speechless are times when my amazing little girl does things that blow my mind!

Support. What does it really mean?

So what does support mean to you? I am sure that we all have different ideas on what it means. I am also sure that we feel that we give enough support to others too.

Lately I have felt that the support factor has been lacking in our house. Sometimes I feel like I am bringing up little Holly all on my own. Now to be fair I am not just talking about Farmer Brown. We have a set of Grandparents living on the farm too. They live only a couple of paddocks away and are retired.

Maybe I have just come through a bit of a down patch, as I know that I have been really tired lately. I am not expecting to be waited on hand and foot, of course I wouldn't complain if by some miracle this was to actually happen! Just get a bit tired of Farmer Brown thinking that he is the only one who works a 15-16 hour day. I don't think he has actually really thought about it. Don't think anyone round here believes that what I do all day, that's looking after everyones favourite daughter and grand daughter, is actually work that is quite tiring. Can't blame me for thinking that when just recently when we had a week off Nanny asked me if I had enjoyed the break. I said that it was more like a change of scene for me as my day continued as it normally does: looking after Miss Holly and Farmer Brown. She told me that it was more important that Farmer Brown got a rest as he was the real worker! Don't worry I like her too much to punch her in the face, but man I came close! Just chose to walk away from that remark!

I knew when I got pregnant that our lives were going to change forever, for the better too as far as I was concerned! Farmer Brown seems to believe that life just carrys on as if was before - Holly who? To be honest I find this quite maddening.

I guess this is just one of those things that you just suck up and get over. I mean afteral it's just me getting upset over it. Just me doing my own head in I guess. I mean whats wrong with going to toilet just so that you can have some alone time! Whats wrong with closing the bathroom door and putting on the extractor fan while you are having a shower, trying to block out all the noise! What was I thinking!

However...I do draw the line at the thought of having to give up the one thing that I enjoy and worked hard to get a qualification in. That is my ambulance work. I know that it is voluntary work, but I love it and I don't really want to have to give it up. But it is looking more and more like that is what is going to happen.

I was supposed to be on a two day course this weekend, however I did not go. When I put it to Farmer Brown, lets just say that he wasn't too impressed that I wouldn't be able to look after Holly. I mean he actually expected me to take her with me! WTF!!!

Sometimes it just isn't worth the stress. Like I said, it just does my head in. Life is all about scarificing things for those we love. This is going to be one of the times. I love my little girl and want the best for her. If that means that ambulance has to take the back seat for a few years, I guess I can live with that can't I?

So I guess that it's chin up time. Time to get over myself. Time to be the Mum I said I wanted to be...

A Mum that makes sacrifices for her family!

Looking towards the future...

So have been doing a bit of thinking about what I want to do with my life. Have been thinking about going to study Nursing next year. I love my ambulance volunteering work, but the chances of me getting a paid job out of it in the next few years isn't high. There are not many jobs out there for new paid staff unless you want to move, which of course we wouldn't be able to do with the farm etc. Unfortunately it is a case of not what you know but who you know when it comes to getting a job in St John too.

Anyway what other options do I have? I have to keep in mind that I am 40 at the end of this year. I am the mother of a young baby and I also have a husband and a household I need to look after. I want to do something that I enjoy and along the medical side of things. Have thought about teaching too as this is something that I have always wanted to do.

Have made inquiries and it would seem the I could enrole in the Bachelor of Nursing at Wintec in Hamilton. The course is 3 years long and Holly would be over 1 year old then too. Wintec have a day care centre so that would mean that I could still be close to Holly while I am at class.

Have put the word out to my friends and family to see what they think. Always good to get feed back. I think it would be too soon to aim for the second intake this year which is in July. Plus I don't think that it would be fair on Holly, when she is still so young. Plus I would miss her too much I think at this early stage in her life! Haha I know I am such a sucker! But I guess that at some stage I will have to go back to work and get a life.

I think it would be a good opportunity for me and I think I am leaning more and more towards going for it!

Our week off...

So we decided to take the last week of January off. But what really is a holiday? I think Farmer Brown had a holiday and I had a change of location!

It was great to take Holly away for her first family holiday. Taking a baby away is a whole new experience. I have taken her by myself for a couple of days at the begininning of January but this was the first time we had taken her away together, hence the "change of location" holiday for me!

Farmer Brown seems to be under the illusion that things just carry on like it was before we had Holly. Ah no thats not how it works. He got to enjoy a sleepin every morning, waking to have his breakfast all laid out for him. He got to enjoy the meals we had out hot and not luke warm or cold. He got to enjoy walking around the shops on his own while I breast fed his daughter.

I am ever thankfull that Holly sleeps through the night and doesn't seem to mind too much that I drag her everywhere with me. As long as she gets a feed when she is hungry she is sweet. She is such a chilled out little girl and that is a blessing for sure.

So we had a couple of days down at the family back in Mokau on the West Coast of the North Island. We also, from there, travelled down to New Plymouth to indulge in a bit of retail therapy! The weather was amazing. Great beautiful sunny days and a lovely sea breeze to keep a lid on the humidity that we have again been experiencing.

Holly got to dip her toes in the sea water on our last day at the beach. Man the west coast might be my favourite beach but the black sand gets mighty hot under foot! We timed it right with our arrival at the beach as everyone else had headed back to there homes getting ready for their return to work and school. It was lovely to be at the beach and enjoy the fresh sea air.

 

We also went to the Zealong Tea plantation by Gordonton, just outside Hamilton. Well that was an experience and one that I think most would enjoy. We felt rather posh and it was one of the occasions where I silently prayed that Holly would be good and not cry! The tea and food were beautiful. Some may have considered it a bit expensive but I thought the food was definately worthy of the prices, which we didn't think were too bad for what we got!

I sure didn't have to worry about Holly. Infact she was such a doll that the group of ladies at the table next to us offered to take her while I ate my lunch! Thought that was really nice of them. She was such a good girl and it gave me a chance to actually eat my lunch when it came out to me - ah nice hot food yum yum!

So now we are back to the daily grind of life on the farm. Doesn't seem like we have been away at all! Guess the next time for a break will be when the cows have been dried off in a month or so.

Looking forward to our next adventure...

OMG She Rolled Over!

Well this would have to be one of those amazing milestones that probably only parents (mainly mothers) get all excited about!

Well Miss Holly was sick of the view from lying on her back and decided that she would roll over on her own onto her front! They just to show how smart she is, she rolled back onto her back! We have been waiting for this day to come as she has been rooling up onto her side for awhile now but flopping back down onto her back again. NOT ANYMORE!

Guess this is the start of the eyes in the back of my head stage too. No more leaving her in certain places now that there is a chance that she can roll off. We look forward to the next time that she can do her new "trick"! Farmer Brown saw her do it too so I know that I was not just making it up! He was so proud of his little girl. She rocks!

It is always fun to go into her room in the mornings and discovering where she has crept too in the cot during the night. I always ask her about her adventures during her first feed of the day, but she is not giving up any secrets dam it! Guess we will just have to leave that up to my imagination to fill in haha!

Truely a special day. Well done my little angel xxx

A Wicked Day on Duty...

Was only duty today and had an awesome shift. Maybe not so for the patients though...overdose, cardiac arrest and a mva/stroke! I got to look after the first and last patients and drive the second one under lights and siren to hospital!

The overdose patient took 62 panadol, 102 citalopram and a handfull of diazepam that was meant for animals! Status 2 and very drowsey as to be expected taking that cocktail.

The cardiac arrest was awesome as we got ROSC! The paid officer I was on with was at Subway getting his lunch when the job came in. I went out side to wait for him as the pager said it was an unconscious collapse with good resps. The second truck got sent on a job shortly after and I didn't know what or where they were going. Next thing the station phone rings and my partner says we are doing CPR on the Main Street! Holy crap! So with no ambulances at the station I had to run up to the main street and find them. Turned out thats where the other truck had gone but she too thought she was going to another job! So after nearly have a cardiac arrest myself from running (about 2 blocks from the station) I turned up at the scene. The patient had collapsed in the middle of the main street, no one had started CPR until my partner arrived but at least he wasn't too long without compressions. Once we had ROSC we got him in the back of the truck and headed for hospital. Found out later on that the patient had a Not For Resus order! Don't you hate it when you work your arse off and then discover that. We weren't to know and did the right thing by working on him.

As a breast feeding mum, we all had a big laugh back at the station about my running to the scene. For one thing, I am no athelete and definately not built for speed! The other crews thought it was a big joke that poor Holly was going to have milkshakes or cappicinos for her dinner when I get home to feed her due to my running!

The other thing that was funny about this job was we left one of the ambulances on scene for the Police to drive back to our station. When we got back to station the ambulance was locked up and we couldn't find the keys! I said to my partner: "God we had better not get a another job right now, because there is no way that I am running to another job today!" After a look in all the obvious places we resorted to ringing the Police station but they were not answering the phones, so my partner walked to their station and what do you know, the keys to our ambulance were there! Woop woop no running to jobs for me!

The mva/stroke happened in the carpark of the local Mitre 10. Poor little of lady was driving away but still in the carpark when she had a stroke. Drove her car up and over the carpark garden! Complete left sided weakness. Another status 2 patient. She as has AF as a normal condition for her. She also had a pacemaker fitted which was good as I was wondering why her rhythm strip looked strange to me. She went straight into Resus and received treatment for her clot straight away!

So I had a fantastic day on duty. Two status 2 patients and one status 1 patient. Farmer Brown looked after Holly so that I could do a whole day, which I appreciate very much! Great to get back into the saddle and build my confidence.

Thank you to everyone who made it happen for me!

Getting moving

Well our little one is now 14 weeks old, can you believe that! She has had her second lot of immunisation injections. She coped very well with them. Was back to her usual self after a couple of days. Just found her to be a little grizzly, unsettled and sleeping more than normal, but this was to be expected.

Holly is becoming more active and moving around independantly now. She can roll up onto her side but then she flops down again onto her back. Plenty of time to master the "roll over" yet as she is still pretty little to be doing that!

She likes to play a game with me in the mornings now. I put her to bed in the same position in her cot each night. In her sleep sack and towards the foot end of the cot. In the morning when I go in to get her I just never know what position she will be in, but one thing is for sure, she won't be where I left her the night before! She can turn herself around 180 degrees, creep backwards up the cot so her head is touching the headboard cot and turn herself so she is sleeping across the cot. Her best effort yet was this morning when she managed to combine all of her previous efforts. She was turned around 180 degrees up the top of the cot wedged in the corner with her head touching the rails and kicking her feet against the headboard! She is in a hurry to go place I think. But then again when I do think about it she was so active while I was pregnant with her that I guess that it would only carry on in the outside world for her!

She is also sleeping through the night now which is just awesome! She normally goes to sleep around 9.00-9.30pm and doesn't wake again until 7.00am. Just love having a good nights sleep myself and having a bit of time in the morning to get a few jobs done and eat my own breakfast before she is up and ready for her first feed of the day.

We have settled into a great routine now. Have found that now she is just that little bit older Farmer Brown is more confident with her and helps out more. He looks after her while I go and do my Ambulance shifts. I was only doing about 4 hours but am now doing about 8 hours. Will hopefully graduate up to a full 12 hour shift one day!

I am also back in the cowshed every second weekend relief milking with Farmer Brown. I only milk in the afternoons and Holly goes up to her Nannys. They just love spending time together. Good for both of them and for me too as it means that I am getting back to my normal routine of things.

Next Plunket visit we are going to be discussing having Holly start on solids. This seems too soon to me but thats just because I think that she is just a wee baby girl still and I don't want her to grow up too fast! But at the same time it is really exciting to see her developing and maturing!

People were right when they said to me, enjoy her while she is so little as that changes very quickly!