Christmas Day

Wow so after all the build up and anticipation of waiting for Christmas it is now the day after and we can all have the chance to take a breath again.

We had a great day with Farmer Browns family up at the big house. We started the day off with breakfast at our place, just the three of us. Farmer Brown and I opened the presentsthat we had for each other. I had been on Ambulance duty the night beforeSo I decided to have a quick nap after breakfast before we headed up to The Big House for Christmas Lunch.

Before we had lunch we opened our presents. Of course we all enjoyed helping and watching Miss Holly rip into hers. She didn't need too much help and really seemed to be enjoying herself. She of course was spoilt rotten. She managed to score a tractor, a horse and a motorbike! She got lots of other items too. Books, toys, a little armchair, paddling pool and much much more!

After the rest of us had opened our gifts we had our beautiful and delicious lunch that Farmer Browns Mum had made for us. We were not disappointed as my Mother In Law is an amazing cook. This time I remembered that my eyes were not as big as my belly and I paced myself. After lunch came dessert so as you can imagine I was quite glad that 1 had controlled myself during lunch!

Then we all just hung out with each other for a while playing with and watching Miss Holly enjoy her new toys before we headed back to our place for a bit of a rest before we were due back up at The Big House for dinner.

All in all Miss Holly had a fabulous day and was very very tired by the end of it. She slept for 12 hours that night which was just great for me haha!

So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas however you spent it. Now bring on the New Year!

The Gift of Time

So as the silly season approaches, with greater speed than the year before, we are all left trying to decided what the best gift is for us to prevent to our loved ones.

This can be a stressfull time for some, whether it be due to financial reasons, family members in distant places or overseas, family members who may not be with us here on earth anymore or you just plain don't like this time of the year!

I must say that I was in the "I just plan don't like this time of the year" but for many reasons. My biggest being that I don't really have my own family around me to celebrate with. Don't get me wrong, I do have Farmer Browns family and they accept me as one of their own. But you just can't beat your own flesh and blood being with you at this time of the year.

I have an interesting family dynamic. My mum lives in the South Island and my Sister lives in Mexico. Well that's no big deal you might say but ... they are both part of a religion that chooses not to celebrate such occasions as Birthdays or Christmas. My brother (Uncle Balls ) and his fantastic wife (the hot Asian) live in Melbourne, Australia. Thankfully they have recently been liberated from the strangle hold of the religion/cult that my Mother and Sister believe in. Both of my Grandparents are not with us on earth anymore. In fact my Grandpa died on Christmas Eve so that sort of spoils that day and night, as we were both close to each other. Miss you Pop!

I do have an Aunty and Uncle and a Cousin and her Fiance. Normally we would spend part of the day with them, either at their place or at ours. Last year I was on my own here at the farm with Holly as a two month old. My Aunty told me that she was going to their beach house for Christmas, then I saw photos of her on Facebook at another relatives of theirs late into the night of Christmas! Guess they didn't quite make it there afteral. This year I was looking forward to spending time with them as we didn't see them last year. But thats where you are mistaken...

I got a text from her stating that they would be going to the beach early on Christmas morning and that they would be having drinks on Christmas Eve so they wouldn't be available to see us then either. Nothing like feeling the love haha! I said that it would be a stink Christmas not having your only family member in NZ to celebrate Christmas with. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, that she didn't have time for us this year, that it wasn't all about me and that she wanted to be somewhere quiet where she could put her feet up! OKAY THEN! Why don't you just say what your really feeling!

I have calmed down a little bit since that conversation. I just feel sorry for Miss Holly who will grow up with only one side of her family, that of Farmer Browns.

That got me thinking as to why I was so upset by what my Aunty had said. I think what it comes down to is this...

Since our dad left when we were only young (I was 7 years old and my brother not quite 2 years old) we have never had a complete family. Our mother always did the best by us and brought us up the best way she knew how. When my dad left so did one whole side of our family. That is our other Grandparents, Uncles and Auntys as well as cousins that we have never even met.

Then out mother joined a religion/cult that didn't celebrate Christmas, amongst other things. As a result of that from my 13th birthday onwards we never celebrated Christmas Day with our remaining family. We were on the outside, almost treated as outsiders by the remaining family as they didn't understand why we no longer took part in such days and celebrations.

Long story short I broke free of this religion/cult in my 20's and haven't looked back since. Now I became the outsider, on my own in a world that I was taught was bad, wicked and condemned etc. I started to celebrate Christmas with my Aunty and her family, a union for which I was grateful for as I now had true family to share this day with again. Then I met Troy and his family welcomed me with open arms.

My mother chooses to have limited contact with me and my little family. She has also choosen to break all contact with my brother and his wife, since they broke free. This breaks my heart! How can someone love their "god" more than their own family? But that could be a whole other topic to blog about haha!

All I have ever wanted is to be part of a family. To "fit" somewhere.

Now I have the gift of our Holly to make my own little family with. I also welcomed the news/decision of Uncle Balls and the Hot Asian breaking free of the religion/cult to join us as family again. Stink they live in Melbourne, but I can't have everything my own way! Afteral it's not all about me remember haha!

This year has been a bit of challenge to say the least. The last 6 months in particular, dealing with Farmer Brown's bipolar episodes etc have honestly been draining and hard to deal with. I found myself getting so annoyed and angry about things here on the farm and the lack of time that he has for our family and his little girl. If he isn't working, he is sleeping. If he isn't sleeping, he is working etc.

Again I ask myself: why does this upset me so much?

Daddy issues! When I was a little girl I was Daddy's girl. I went everywhere with him and was always with him down at the workshop. However, he never really had time for us at home. As I am the oldest I guess that I am a bit luckier as I did get to spend more time with him. He was always working either at the workshop, on the road, at our house or at our beach house building it. He felt that making things for us made up for this. He made us things like a set of swings, a seesaw, a rocking horse, a dolls cot etc. But I guess all I really wanted was: THE GIFT OF TIME.

So there it is in a nutshell. I too want Farmer Brown to give us the Gift of Time. Working hard and saving money is great but we need to see him and spend time with him too. The farm can be all consuming at the best of times. Working involves him pretty much 14 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Expensive gifts are nice but you can't beat the gift of time. I don't want our daughter growing up wishing that her Daddy had spent more time with her. I don't want Farmer Brown to have regrets later in his life about not spending time withi his little girl. She just loves it when he comes home in the morning. Calling out Daddy and waving to him through the window before he is even inside! Most days he is asleep when she goes to Day Care and so misses out on wishing her a happy day and kissing her goodbye.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want my little girl growing up without family surrounding her. I want her to "fit" somewhere. To be told by my only family (here in NZ) that they don't have time for us, cut a bit close to the quick for me. The pressure of living with a husband with bipolar and who is a Dairy Farmer should not get in the way of me providing unconditional love for my baby girl.

Think not of the expensive toys and other presents that are sometimes thought of as a must. Rather think of the GIFT OF TIME. Nothing could be more important than that. Time goes by so quickly that our time here sometimes passes us by. Don't let this happen to your family. Take some time out, pick up your kids and give them a hug and a kiss. Read them a story or if you really have to - sing them a song haha! If you don't have kids, steal someone elses - no that is not recommended. Just hug the person next to you. Do we need a reason? Just do it!

And if someone does give you gift of time, be sure to play it forward! It costs nothing and the rewards are ten fold!

The Day Care Experience

Well Miss Holly has been going to Day Care now for almost 2 months. She just loves it. I can't believe how much she has changed since she's been going there. Her development is racing along leaps and bounds. Everyday she comes home she tells me, in her babble, all the exciting things she has done during the day.

Have had some friends ask me why she is in Day Care when I don't work. I too struggled with the same question, but I know that I have made the right decision for her. Living on a dairy farm you can sometimes feel isolated. I want her to grow up with as many friends as possible. I have seen what living on a farm has done to Farmer Brown and his brother. Let me put it this way...Farmer Brown's brother is now 44 and still lives at home with his mum and dad!

I am coming off two nights shifts at the beginning of each week so with Miss Holly being away at Day Care allows me to catch up, on my sleep. Before when she was home with me, I was only able to nap when she did so I never really had quality sleep or be able to catch up properly. Another blessing of Day Care!

I think that it is very important for little ones to socialised and I definately want this for Miss Holly. She just loves being around other people, young or old. As she started at the Day Care on the second day it was open, she will grow up with the other kids there. Making life long friends thus having mates not only now but as they move onto school etc.

The other thing that I really love about Day Care is that they do so much extra stuff with the kids that I wouldn't think about. I do plenty with Miss Holly at home but it is great that she is doing different stuff each day she is there with them. I get a real kick out of seeing all her arts and craft work up on the walls when I go into collect her.

She is more than happy to be dropped off for the three days a week that she attends. When she goes back after the weekend she calls out and waves to her little mates when she enters the centre. It's almost like she is saying "Hey bitches, I'm back!". She is such a hoot.

So I guess that even though there maybe some out there who don't like Day Care and think that Mums should look after their own kids, I don't care! I LOVE Day Care and what it represents!

First Bithday Party!

 

Wow our baby girl has had a big week thats for sure!

After turning the big 1 on Wednesday we had her birthday party yesterday (Saturday) at our place, down on the farm!

At first I thought it was going to be a crap day in the weather department. I woke to the sound of thunder rumbling around the place, wind rushing through the trees and rain against the window! Great day for a party!! Anyway the weather gods decided to shine on our party day because as the day got further along the sun came out to play! It was a little windy at times, but kids will be kids and a little wind and rain never stopped any of them haha!

We got Miss Holly at swing set for her birthday and I spent two hours constructing the bloody thing on Thursday afternoon! It was put through its paces yesterday with all the kids having heaps of fun playing, swinging and hanging from it! I remember briefly yelling out a disclaimer just in case anyone fell off it haha. Considering we had 3 Paramedics and 3 EMT's present I don't think I had to worry too much if I needed to call for help haha!

Miss Holly had the best day. She wore her new party dress that her Nanny got her from the big ole USA! Nanny also made Miss Holly her birthday cake. She did a fantastic job of it, and everyone loved it as there was not too much left haha! Always the sign of a great cake.

It was really nice to have everyone at our place for a change. Normally we travel to the Big Smoke for family stuff. You would think that we live on another planet the way some people carry on about travelling our way! Funny as most of them mentioned that it wasn't that hard or difficult to find. We only live in Otorohanga not Timbucktoo people!

Miss Holly got great presents. Lots of toys and new clothes to wear. I think that Farmer Brown and I had just as much fun playing with them. I know that I sure had fun "helping" Miss Holly to open them. Man I wish I was 1 again!

So the next big party on the calendar is my 40th at the end of November. Now I have Miss Hollys party done and dusted it is time to put my party planning hat back on again and get the underway!

Happy First Birthday Baby Girl!!

So one whole year since Miss Holly was born. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday she was born and other times it seems like she has been with us for years.



Holly born 09 October 2012,
3 hours old

  She is such an amazing little girl, but I guess all mothers say that about their children haha! It has been a big learning experience thats for sure. I don't think we can ever be truely prepared for the arrival of a new born baby. We think we are but really if we are truely honest I think we all just make it up as we go! You soon learn that little ones don't like to be "fitted" into boxes. I am pretty flexible with Miss Holly. If she is tired she goes to bed, if she isn't she stays up. If she is hungry I feed her, if she isn't that fine too. I let her set the pace and that seems to have worked for me so far.

Anyway this morning was a big day in our house. I loved going into Hollys room this morning and singing Happy Birthday to her on her first birthday. She smiled and clapped at me. I am sure she was thinking something like "oh for goodness sake Mum you are such and idiot". But I don't care because I love her and its a mothers job to be an idiot infront of her children haha!

We waited for Farmer Brown to come in from milking so that she could open her presents. She had such fun ripping open parcels to discover what she had been given. Her Nanny, Grandad and Uncle Scott came down after breakfast to celebrate with us too. Man she is one very lucky little girl. She got spoilt rotten with so many gifts.

And just when we thought today couldn't get any better...this evening she stood on her own without holding onto anything for the first time! She is so close to walking now. Each day I try to encourage her to do it, but I know that she will do it in her own time. Would be cool if she was walking before her party but no pressure haha!

Holly on her First Birthday!
My big baby girl.

This evening we were able to have a Video Skype with Uncle Balls and Aunty Atsuko in Melbourne so that they too could share in Miss Holly's big day. A large box of goodies arrived from them yesterday. Man they spoil her too. She is a very very luck little girl. It was so great to catch up with them, even if it was for a short time. She laughed, played, clapped and smiled her way through the conversation.

We are having a big party for Miss Holly on Saturday. Family and friends coming from all over the place. We are just hoping for good weather at the moment as it looks like it might be raining and that would not be good. Either way we will have an amazing day.

After a big day of lots of fun and excitement Miss Holly went off to bed without a beep.

The Joys of Living with Someone Who has Bi Polar

So today is one of those days where I just wish I could shut the door and tell everyone to Feek Off and leave me the hell alone.

I don't often speak out about Farmer Brown having Bi Polar. However of late you may have noticed that things have been amping up again. I have found in the past that when I have things going around and around in my head the best way to deal with them is to write them down and then things seem to settle down a bit for me.

First of all I want to stress how much I do love Farmer Brown. He told me about his Bi Polar on our second date. I knew what I was taking on when I met him. Lord know I have dark demons in my past too and he was happy for take me on warts and all too. Love you Farmer Brown. I want to help him so much. I am trying to be careful of not overloading him with information. I don't want to push him over the edge. But if he wants change then he needs to take the action.

He will be attending the 3rd counselling session on Wednesday this week. I ask him how things are going and says "fine". I understand if he doesn't want to tell me but I do want him to know that I am interested in what he is doing. He told me he has homework to do each week. He has been asked to write in a notebook each day 3 things that he has achieved. Last week he came home and said this week he has to come up with 3 long term goals. I asked him if he thinks the counselling is helping and he said he thinks so.

We have just finished the 2nd weekend of weekends off. It was our turn to milk while Farmer Brown's brother had the weekend off. I milk Fri/Sat/Sun afternoons and we have a relief milker Sat/Sun mornings. Farmer Brown has to get up earlier than usual as he has to get the cows out of the paddock, get fences sorted and put some feed out in the feed pad before the relief milker turns up at 5am. Like I said this is only the 2nd weekend of doing this and already he is struggling with the tiredness.

I just don't know the answer anymore. We talk about solutions to the problems that he faces and he agrees with what we talk about but he never seems to want to act on any of them. I know this is hard for him to do as it would mean that there would possibly be some massive changes for him to make. But unfortunately change does have to happen sometimes inorder for things to get better. I guess you really need to ask how much you really want to get out of the situation you find yourself in.

We talk about leaving the farm and getting new jobs in town. This would mean that we would loose the house we currently live in as it would go to the farm worker who would take his place. He gets all excited about looking at buying a house. Checking out what we can afford to buy and how we would pay for it. We look through the papers, do drive buys etc but we never get to the Open Homes or anything further than that. Then the conversation turns back around to comments like "its's just too hard" or "how am I going to find another job at my age" or "how can we afford to buy a house and live away from the farm" etc.

I have been trying to get him to come up with solutions. To be quite honest I am sick of having to make all the decisions around here. I will ask a question like this: "So what do you feel like for dinner? I am happy to cook anything you want". Reply: "Oh just whatever you want". My reply: "Cool peanut butter on toast it is then". That normally envokes a reaction of some sort.

Anyway while we were milking yesterday I came up with a plan. Well my latest plan for our family anyway. A plan that would mean that we wouldn't have to leave the farm or by a house. I suggested that I take over the farm work. I did work for a year on the farm as a labourer so I know how to do most things that Farmer Brown does. Anything I don't know I am sure that I can be taught and shown what to do. Then he could get a job down town. Maybe at RD1 or PPG Wrightsons or with the Vet or the Supermarket or the Petrol Station, his imagination is his limitation. All he has to do is look.
This would mean that he could get away from here, which seems to some of the problem. He would be able to work shorter hours and maybe not even work on the weekends. If we were on 2 incomes then we would be able to put Holly into daycare fulltime, so that is her sorted out. Farmer Brown's family can step in and help out too as far as I am concerned. It would mean that I may have to give up or take a leave of absence from the Ambulance work. I am willing to do this for the sake of my family. Family is about sacrifice, I can deal with that.

So we will wait and see what comes of this latest plan. I have sown the seed. He is the one who doesn't like the way things are so now it is up to him to help himself. So far all I have heard today is how tired he is, how Grandad (his father) is moaning and complaing about things that need to be done on the farm. Bla bla bla same shit different day!

Hence my first comment of: Feek off everyone and leave me the hell alone!

There is other stuff going on at the moment, but am saving that for another post!

The First Counselling Session...

So a follow up from the last post...

Farmer Brown and I went to the Big Smoke yesterday and we had a big chat on way through. I really don't think he gets where I am coming from with our current situation. He is only seeing it from how it has been effecting him.

For example he has now on at least 3 occasions mentioned that Baby Girl is "just another spanner in the works" for him. I see it as "another challenge" for us to in our new family. I don't like that he feels like this and has started to verbalise it as so. I am actually really offended to be honest. He sees his daughter as a "spanner in the works"?! Its not like he is looking after 7 days a week. He just carries on his day to day routine like nothing has changed since we had her. I would really like to see him do a week in my shoes!

He had his first appointment with the Counsellor this morning. He came in a reasonable mood from his appointment. He has been given homework to do each day. He has to write down in a notebook 3 things that he has achieved during the day. He said that she didn't give him any guidelines or suggestions on what sort of this he is to achieve. Will be interesting to see what he writes down.

I asked what they had talked about. He said he went over his story from woe to go. Talked about how his Dad winds him up as does the farm. That his daughter was another spanner in the works to deal with. That I get stressed having to look after her 7 days a week, that she is going into daycare soon.

You know its really funny as most of the things that she has suggested he do are things that I have suggested to him in the past. He has never taken any of it onboard. Hopefully now because it has come from a professional he will take it on board.

I find myself now fighting my own old demons from a past long ago. I feel quite overwhelmed some days. I feel like I am failing as a mother and a wife as my husband thinks that our daughter is a spanner in the works, that I don't have dinner cooked and served to him every night, that I don't look after our daughter well enough so that he isn't so stressed all the time etc.

I know in my mind that these things are not true and that I am doing the best that I can under the circumstances. I have fought hard to get my life on track and I am not going to let this get me down. I am doing the best I can to look after my unwell husband, look after, educate and bring up our little girl on my own and continue to do the things that I enjoy like my Volunteer Ambulance work.

I draw strength from those around me who are great influences. You know who you are my people!

So my husband says to me "I want to kill myself!"...

Well what that hell was I supposed to do with that piece of information! This would be the third time in about six months that he has said this to me.

Now my husband does have Bi Polar and is on good medication that generally works really well for him. He has an injection of medication once a month that is slow releasing. Sometimes I notice that his mood seems to dip in that last week of the month but its normally no biggy as he is due for his next injection in a day or so and life returns to normal. He seems to go through these boughts of deep depression every 2-3 months.

We live and work on his parents dairy farm. Farming is a very demanding job as you work 7 days a week and up to 14 hours a day. Now during calving season (which we have just finished) we have no time off for 2 months until calving is almost done and dusted. So as you can imagine it can be rather stressful for all of us.

When these periods of deep depression come around I am normally able to build him up and help him cope and see a way out of the current situation. We have even talked about leaving the farm and getting work in town.

We of course had our first child last year. She will be 1 year old next month. Now this is just another set of challenges to have to deal with. I am a stay at home mum with our little one, but she will be going to day care around her birthday next month. I know that this has caused stress to both of us at times as having a first child does. I mean to say then don't come with an instruction manual! I of course have taken the lead in looking after our baby girl. I work hard at trying to make sure that life carries on as normal for Farmer Brown and that he has opportunity to sleep during the day when he comes in for his breaks, make sure that he has meals when he is hungry and that he has a good nights sleep.

Unfortunately this time I had had enough. I have been pretty much coping on my own, with help from 1 or 2 close friends. It feels like I am bringing up 2 children. My baby girl and my Farmer Brown.

I was really angry when he told me he wanted to kill himself. Especially when the night before he had been looking after our little girl while was on night shift (I am a Volunteer Ambulance Officer). Immediately my concern was for the safety of our little girl. Could I trust him to look after her? Would he do anything to hurt her? Would I have to give up my volunteer work?

Don't worry I did check to make sure he was safe too! But my baby girl comes first now. She is little and can't defend or look after herself, she needs me to be that for her. Over the next couple of days his mood was crap. He said he had been up to "talk" to his Mum about things. I asked if he had told her that he wanted to kill himself and he said sort of. What the hell? You either do or don't. There is no middle ground on this.

I decided to take matters into my own hands again. I rang my GP and made an appointment to seek advice on what to do with Farmer Brown. I went up to see my mother inlaw and put her in the picture. She didn't know that he wanted to kill himself. All he had said to her (he was picking up baby girl from his Mums as I was on night shift) was that he was tired and that there was no dinner ready for him when he came in from milking! FUCK ME! I am sorry to say but at that moment I wanted to kill him myself! My mother inlaw is fantastic, don't get me wrong. She does however have a strong grip on the apron strings with her boys. Let me put it this way...her 44 year old other son is still living at home! I told her what was really going on and she was to put it mildly - shocked. She had no idea what had been going on for the past 6 months or so.

My GP was fantastic and suggested that Farmer Brown make an appointment with her as she has training in psycology and that she should be able to get him some extra help. We had an appointment for the next day, which I attended also. She was brilliant. He felt that she listened to him and gave him suggestions that he thought would be great. She referred him back to Community Mental Health and also gave him 6 free sessions at our local Counselling Centre down town.

This appointment happened to fall on our first weekend off in 2 months, which was great timing. He had a great weekend, shopping, eating out, watching dvds and even some time to himself for a bit. Things have been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, but man it has taken its toll on me thats for sure.

The appointment with Mental Health was today. I was supposed to go with him, but baby girl had other plans and so I had to stay home with her and he went on his own. This of course wouldn't do him any harm. Didn't help that I was having a bad day of my own and was in a grumpy mood.

The appointment sort of back fired on me. The lovely people at Mental Health said it would be great for him to have more time to himself when he gets in those deep depressive periods. For fucks sake, I look after baby girl enough on my own without him needing to have more time on his own! What about me? Don't mean to be selfish and make it all about me but really people WTF? They told him that every job has its ups and downs and that he needs to learn ways to cope with it when it happens. Of course this is just he version of the appointment so I don't know how accurate all of this new information is. He has his first counselling session on Wednesday. Will be interesting to see what they have to say.

I am just over it. Everyone is making sure that he is okay and looked after. I however just continue to struggle on by myself. Like I said I have a fantastic friend who is about the only one who has been keeping an eye on me and baby girl and making sure that we are doing okay.

I really want him to take some action and sort some of this shit out. We have come up with strategies before but he never carries them out. Mother inlaw always manages to turn him back to staying on the farm with a little bit of emotional blackmail to nail the point home. I don't think he realised how lucky he is or how sweet he has it. Since we had baby it seems like his life had just carried on like before we had her and mine has changed dramatically.

I know we will be sweet in the end. I want him to own his problems and try to do something about about it instead of hiding behind others and making rash statements like him wanting to kill himself. This is so stressfull to deal with. I see people at the wrong end of statements like that in my Ambulance work. Quite frankly I don't want to come home to find a dead body! I don't think he would do it, but how do you really know?! He tells me that he won't kill himself, but do I believe him? Like I said it is not the first time but the third time he has said that to me.

Will keep chugging along and doing what I do. I will be interested to see how the appointment with the counsellor goes on Wednesday :)

So many new changes

So I just can not believe how much Miss Holly is changing at the moment. She is now 10 months old and rocking this world!

She is now crawling and loving getting around faster. It was so much fun watching her take her first tentative creepy crawly paces. She motors around the place now and am sure that it will not be long before she is up on her two little legs testing them out too!

Not to be content with being an amazing little person who now is crawling within the 5 days she was already starting to pull herself up on things! I remember the first time I walked into her room to get her out of bed and there she was looking at me over the top of the rail on her cot! She even waved at me as if to "oh hi Mum, check me out. I am just hanging out in here waiting for you to come get me!". She is such a hoot - I love that little critter!

Today we had an action packed day. Firstly an ambulance friend and her little boy came down to the farm to check out our calves. They had such a great time and we really enjoyed having them here. It was a bit of a windy day, but we enjoyed the walk from our house down to the calf sheds.

Once they had departed we were off to Hamilton to catch up with a friend that I have not seen for 15 years! I know, I did say 15 years! My friend, her husband and her fabulously adorable 3 kids are over here for a flying from the USA. I was so grateful that they were able to fit us into their busy schedule. It may have been 15 years since we last saw each other, but you would think that it was only a couple of days by the way the conversation flowed so easily. Her kids loves Holly and it was great to watch them all play and laugh together.

Everyday we look forward to the "new trick" that Holly will show us. She is a bundle of energy and loving her little life to the max. Have been watching her this evening trying to get her feet underneath her so that she can pull herself up to standing. In the mean time I am content to see her kneeling up against things! She has had a couple of falls, but that is to be expected. She will learn not to be so cocky and to slow down a little bit haha!

We look forward to what ever it is that she is going to share with us next!

Thank You from our Visitors

Last weekend I had a girlfriend and her partners kids come to visit. They were on their school holidays so I thought it would be a great way to fill in an afternoon if they came to look at our little calves. They live in town and don't have that opportunity there.

So after a foggy start to the day, the afternoon greeted us with lots of sunshine. We decided that we would walk down to the shed. Holly was packed into her stroller and my two eager helpers pushed her for me.

We they had an absolute ball down there. I got a bottle of milk so we could hand feed the little calves. There were lots of giggles and squeals of delight from the kids. Even Holly decided that she liked being down there too!

The kids climbed up and over the low fences to the calf pens. Took turns at feeding the babies and basically had an amazing time and loads of fun in the process. They were even happy to let the calves suck their fingers. Holly stuck her hand out and one of the calves nearly sucked in her whole arm haha! She thought it was really funny.

The time went by so fast and soon it was time for our visitors to leave.

The next time I say my friend, she came bearing gifts from the kids. They had made us Thank You cards, after the wonderful time they had on their visit. The cards are so cute and I was really touched by their kind thoughts and funny words.

 

It is amazing how much the small things in life can make the sun shine in a day!

Mum Mum Mum Mum...

Wow what a joyous song to be woken with the other morning. Miss Holly for the first time saying "Mum mum mum" from her cot! I can't really explain how amazing it feels to hear your little one say your "name" for the first time. She has been saying "Dad dad dad" for a while now. Experts say this is an easier sound for little ones to make...still a special thing for Dads to hear I am sure! To watch her work her little mouth into forming the words is such a treat and everytime she does it, it makes my heart warm in a place I never knew I had. She is so precious! Love you baby girl.

She is changing so quickly again at the moment. We had the 9 month Plunket visit last week. She had a glowing report of course, but then again I am totally biast! She now weighs 8.78kgs which is almost double her birth weight now. The Plunket Nurse tells me she has great "covering". Thats the new politically correct word for baby fat haha! Oh please, just say it like it is for goodness sake!

Funny the questions they ask at these appointments, and some are about things that I definately would never think about. Like: Would you say that Holly has olive coloured skin? Hmm have never really given it much thought to be honest. I have noticed that she isn't as pasty white as some of the little ones I know. Both Farmer Brown and I have olive skin, so I guess we could say that she does too. I was then asked how often I fed her pumpkin and carrots. To which I replied she has a little of both most nights but not every night. Why? The Plunket Nurse said that sometimes when little ones eat too much carrot or pumpkin their skin can take on an orange tint! But she agreed with me, that Hollys skin is an olive colour, just like her mum and dad. I also commented that her skin has always been that colour, even before she started on solids. Interesting conversation to say the least. Like I said, things I had never even thought about!

Miss Holly is well on the way to starting to crawl. She can take a few steps across the floor and then falls over. She is so funny to watch. The determination that she has is amazing. Watching her think things through and how she can get them done NOW! Funny! I guess it will soon that I was wishing that she would just stay in one place like she used to. Oh well we can't stop progress thats for sure!

She came out with us on the motorbike on the weekend. It was a beautiful sunny day and none of the cold winds that we have been having. We went and helped Farmer Troy bring home the cows and calves for that day. She was so funny sitting on the back of the bike with me, waving her little hands at the cows!

That night we went up to the Big House to watch the rugby with them. Holly spent most of the night on Grandads knee entertaining him. All of a sudden at the right time in the game, she threw her hands up in the air,waving them above her head, shreaking her head off and clapping her hands at the TV. Was so funny. Impecible timing my baby girl has! She continued to do this throughout the rest of the game, to the amusement of all of us!

Today we purchased a swing set for her, but we are keeping it for her 1st birthday as a present for her. However we did also get another little swing seat that we have attached to the pergola on the deck for her. She had her first go in it this afternoon and really loved it! Squealed her head off as usual. She is going to a high flyer when she is older thats for sure!

 

Let the fun and games begin...

Sick for the first time!

So our little Miss Holly is having her first real bought of sickness. She had a high temperature on Monday that I was managing to control with Pamol. By the afternoon it was back up again. With that and the fact that she was not her normal happy self I decided to take her to the Doctor.

Unfortunately sometimes knowing or having a little bit of medical knowledge can be a real pain in the bum. I have never wanted to be one of those nurotic mothers that I read about or have had to deal with when on ambulance duty. I had been keeping an eye on her resp rate, temperature and heart rate throughout the day. I wasn't overly concerned but she was just not her happy little self. Very clingy and didn't want to be put down or leave my side most of the day. She had even fallen asleep on me a couple of times during the day which is very unusual for her to do these days.

I decided that I had better take her to the Doctor just incase there was something that I was missing. She didn't have a rash or red ears. She had a slight dry cough and her lungs sounded clear on ascultation. Didn't really want to risk anything dramatic happening during the night so off we went to the Doctors.

I must say that I was a little disappointed with the examination that Doctor gave Holly. Now I am but a humble Emergency Medical Technician and certainly no Doctor, but don't you actually have to look at your patient inorder to assess them? The Doctor listened to her chest and took her temperature all be in incorrectly. She didn't even look over Holly's body at all. She did ask me is she had any rashes, to which I answered "no" but I still think she could/should have looked.

Anyway we were sent home with the comment of "she will be fine, give her Pamol for the temperature and keep up her fluids".

I stayed home from Ambulance Duty Monday and Tuesday nights to look after Little Miss. Her temperature was back to normal the next day and she was back to her usual happy self.

Yesterday (Wednesday) when I got her up and changed her in the morning I noticed that she had some very small spots on her face and torso. They were just like little red dots. No puss or ooze coming from them. Hmm I thought to myself...wonder what this could be. She still had no temp and everything else seemed to be "normal" for her. Decided that I would just keep an eye on her for the day and see what she was like the following day.

She woke this morning with the same number of spots and no change to the spots. Again no temp or change that concerned me. However I know that spots are not good so off to the Doctors we went again.

I think the Doctor was quite surprised to see us again after only a couple of days. This time, funny enough, we got the works in the examination department! Clothes off, thorough look over of her little body. Ears checked, temperature taken, lungs listened to etc. Much better I thought to myself.

Doctor seems to think that it is a mild case of Chicken Pox. She hasn't been around anyone who has been sick. She isn't in daycare so it couldn't have come from there. She was with her little mate on the weekend and he does go to daycare...so maybe it was him? Who knows. Nothing can be done anyway as it is a virus and will run its course.

As am Ambulance EMT it is hard not to over react with little kids. They can compensate for such a long time and then they can crash hard and fast. This is fresh in my mind after a case a few weeks ago when we went to a cardiac arrest of a 4 month old who died. Really drove home to me how quickly these little buggers can deteriorate quickly. Thats why I decided that I would take her to the Doctors now. I would rather go and it be nothing, rather than reacting too late and it becoming very serious. Afterall it is free so why not take advantage of that if not anything else!

And so the madness begins...

So we had our first calf for the season born on Wednesday 10th July. A couple of days early but otherwise not unexpected! Farmer Brown came in from work that night to say that the first little had been born. Now we have six new babies!

Today was the first day of milking twice a day. From now on it will only get busier for us. No more weekends off and more time here working our butts off! Well Farmer Brown working his butt off anyway haha!

Holly and I took a walk down to the calf shed this morning to check out the new arrivals. They seem to be settling in nicely. She didn't seem too impressed with them but I of course thought that they were really cute. You can judge for yourself...

 

The Best Laid Plans

So we decided that we would take off down to Mokau to the Inlaws bach for the weekend. We thought that we would make the most of our weekend off as calving is due to start next weekend. This means that is will probably be the last weekend away we get until after calving has calmed down.

We took our time getting down there. It is only 1 hour from the farm. I had discussed with Farmer Brown beforehand that we would just stay at the bach for the afternoon. Go down and spend Saturday in New Plymouth and then head home when we were ready to on Sunday. Previously (before we had Holly) we used to rush down before lunch. Throw all our gear out and head to New Plymouth, shop, catch a movie then head back to the bach for a sleep. Saturday we would go back to New Plymouth and do all the things we didn't get to do the day before. Then back for a sleep and head home to the farm on the Sunday.

We enjoyed a fabulous lunch in Pio Pio at Fat Pigeon Cafe. I had Chicken Chips and Curly Fries. Farmer Brown had the usual Eggs Benedict. Was busy as usual there but the service is always great and your food arrives pretty quick.

It was a beautiful day when we arrived in Mokau. You can tell it was beautiful as we could see the top of Mount Taranaki! You wouldn't normally even know the mountain was there any other day. We unpacked and settled in for the afternoon.

Miss Holly wasn't feeling the best and I fear that I may have shared my cold with her. I had been unwell for a couple of days myself. But you know what us Mums are like, you just carry on!

She had been sneezing on and off all afternoon. I had also noticed that her little nose was running down her face. Thankfully only clear snot so no infection - yet I hope!

She was a bit unsettled and only napping for about half and hour at a time. Normally she will have a big sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

Farmer Brown went and got us fish and chips for our dinner while I fed Miss Holly. She wouldn't go to sleep and I could just tell it was going to be a long night. I must have known something by that stage.

I dosed her up on Pamol before bed but again she was up and crying within half and hour. We decided to crash on the couch while Farmer Brown slept soundly in the other room. We were up pretty much ever hour on the hour for the rest of the night. Her poor nose was blocked and she was having trouble breathing, which is why she was waking.

Anyway I decided that it was time to go back to the farm once morning came around. I was so over it. Really tired and not feeling well myself. As usual Farmer Brown was helpful self NOT! He managed to do as little as possible packing things us and I managed to most of it with Miss Holly crying on my shoulder! Poor little Miss, not her fault that she is sick.

So we are back at the farm. Miss Holly had her bottle and lunch then hit the hay. She is still asleep as I type. Am not surprised as she didn't get much sleep last night thats for sure. Poor little darling! Farmer Brown decided that he would go to Hamilton for the afternoon. Pissed me off a bit as I am left here on my own again looking after our baby girl. But then I thought it was a great idea as I could have a nap myself to try and catch up on sleep that I didn't get last night.

So I am guessing it will be awhile before we get another break away. But thats okay in my books. Might get Farmer Brown to look at Miss Holly for a couple of hours tomorrow and go and have a coffee with one of my mates in Te Awamutu.

Happy holidays...well maybe next time haha!

To Snore or Not to Snore...

So I don't know if I have ever mentioned it but Farmer Brown has a wicked snoring problem. Normally I just put up with it and a quick jab to his ribs generally results in him turning over and the quiet resumes.

I don't know what has changed. Maybe it was the arrival of our baby girl and the fact that sleep is of a premium now. But the snoring was getting so bad that Farmer Brown has been sleeping in the spare room at the other end of the house. The snoring is so bad that I can still hear him from down there!

We decided to investigate some options for fixing this. Off to the GP we went. He said that he would refer us to the ENT specialist in Hamilton. We got our appointment and off we headed. The Doc was really great, very informative and confidant that he would be able to either better the situation or fix it completely.

Farmer Brown would need to have to simple proceedures. First they would work on his soft palet and uvula (dingle dangle at the back of your throat). The Doc would reshape/reduce the uvula as well as increase the opening in the soft palet on either side of the uvula. This would create a bigger space for air to pass through when Farmer Browns tongue relaxes and drops to the back of his throat. This would be a half hour proceedure and would be painful afterwards, however strong pain relief would be given for us to take home and use.

Proceedure date arrived and off we headed to Hamilton with much hope. I didn't even have time to leave the surgery rooms before Farmer Brown was back out from having the proceedure done. He looked pretty good, if a little groggy, but that was to be expected. We would return in a week for a post op checkup.

Home to bed he went to have a rest for the remainder of the day. Loaded up on pain relief he slept the afternoon away.

So has it worked or not? Well that remains to be seen! I must admit that I am a little disappointed with the results as they are at the moment. He is still snoring and sleeping in the spare room. I am hoping that as the swelling goes down that the snoring will reduce and it will either become a lot quieter or stop altogether.

It has been 2 weeks since the proceedure was done and I must admit that some nights the snoring is little or none at all but other nights it is just like before the proceedure was done. We are to return to the Doc towards the end of the month for the second preceedure. This being to have to quote the paperwork: to have his turbines reemed! This will hopefully encourage Farmer Brown, who is a habitual mouth breather, to breath through his nose more and thus reduce the snoring issues.

We look forward to returning to have the final proceedure done and to see if it finaly has the results we are looking for!

A Week With Family

We have just come to the end of one of the best weeks this year so far. My brother and his wife were over visiting from Melbourne. They spent the first week of their holiday down in the South Island staying with our Mum. Then the flew into Auckland where Miss Holly and I collected them and brought them back to our farm where they would stay with us for a week.

This trip was exciting as last year they got to meet my "bump" while we were over in Melbourne and this time they got to me their neice Miss Holly for the first time!

Well you would have thought that they had all known each other for the whole 9 months that Holly has been with us. They were all like long lost friends. No stranger danger with my kid haha! I think that Uncle Balls and Aunty A nearly wore out the camera's on their phones with the amount of photos that were taken.

What was sweet about the trip too was that it was purely a come stay with us and get to know Holly. No need to do tours or day trips to see the sights and sounds of the local areas. As both Uncle Balls and Aunty A used to live in NZ there was just no need for any of that. Of course we did do a day trip to Rotorua to visit an old haunt of Uncle Balls from his famous mountain biking days. We had lunch at Fat Dog Cafe which is just as amazing as the last time that I was there! We also did a couple of trips to the big smoke of Hamilton, again to check out some old cafes that they used to enjoy. We also did a drive by of some of the houses that we had all lived in at some stage in Hamilton. That was quite fun, but I am not quite sure what people thought seeing us pull up, stop briefly to take a photo and then speed off again haha! At least the Police didn't catch up with us!

It was with sad hearts that we took Uncle Balls and Aunty A back to Auckland to catch their flight back home. We are now thinking that maybe I could be really brave and take Holly over there next year for a holiday. Not quite sure if I really want to take a little one on a plane trip but I would be stupid not to take advantage of the fact that she is "free" until the age of 2 years. Like I say, we will have to wait and see what happens there!

Holly sure had a great time meeting and making friends with Uncle Balls and Aunty A. I know that she made a special bond with them that will continue forever.

We look forward to seeing them both again soon xxx

I'm sorry what did you say??

So there are times in ones life when we find ourselves totally speechless due to words coming from another. Now those that know me, know that I am never short of a word or a million. The old verbal diarrhoea thats me. Anyway I had one of those times in my life where I found myself with my mouth dropped open and no words able to come out...

We were up at the Big House for dinner over the Easter weekend. The Big House is the residence of Holly's Grandparents (Farmer Brown's Mum and Dad). Now for some reason they don't seem to be getting the hang of being Grandparents too well. Don't get me wrong they love little Miss Holly to pieces but they have nothing up at their house for her. No toys, no cot/bed for her to sleep in, no chairs for her to sit on, no play mat for her to lie and play on. Holly is normally presented with a scabby old brown towel to lie on the floor on. Holly only has what is in her nappy bag, that I bring, to play with when we go up there. I have stopped dragging all her stuff up there and think that it is about time they came to the party.

Anyway...the usual scabby old brown towel is brought out for Holly to lie on. Only this time Nanny brings out two large square pillows from the media room. Now these are no ordinary pillows...these are the pillows that we normally put our feet up on when we are in there watching rugby etc! Nanny suggests that Holly could be propped up against them on the floor while we eat our dinner. Wasn't too keen on the fact that they were the "feet" pillows, but regardless of this she was placed on the wooden floor and of course she just slid everywhere. She isn't able to sit on her own yet, so everytime she was placed up against the pillow while sitting on the towel she of course just slides everywhere. Adding to the fact that she is really active at the moment she ended up flat on her back on the floor again after wiggling and sqwirming round like she does.

So here it comes...the mouth open wide moment...are you ready for this...you had better sit down...

Nanny speaks up now: "How about we tie her to the dinning chair so that she can sit up at the table with us?"

WTF - was running through my head. Thank god this was one of the few times in my life where I managed to jam the brake on my tongue before I said what I was really thinking!

I managed calmly to say "Umm, no I don't think that is very appropriate. To tie her to a chair. Considering the chair is leather she will probably slide off." To which Nanny replied "Oh well we could get one of the plastic outside chairs and tie her to that instead." Again WTF? "Umm, no I really don't want her tied to anything. I will just hold on to her while I eat my dinner thanks".

Like I said...LOST FOR WORDS!

This comes on top of another incident a couple of days before...

Farmer Brown and I had arranged for Nanny to look after Holly for a couple of hours so that we could go to the movies at the local theatre. Now this is only the second time that we have "alone time" since we had Holly.

We decided we would go on Easter Friday as the shops were shut and we could go shopping on Saturday when they reopened. Friday morning I get a call from Nanny asking what day we were going to the movies. "Um today as we had arranged when we asked you, why?" Nanny: "We want to take our friends out to the coast to look at the waterfall and then stay out there for dinner as that way we can show them the glow worms on our way back to the farm. You could go tomorrow to the movies if you want." Me: "Well we were going to go today as the shops are closed and there isn't much to do. I will have to check and see if the movie is on tomorrow." "Oh it is, I have already checked for you. So I will see you tomorrow then?" Me "Sure whatever."

OMG what grandparent does that? It's not like we ask them all the time to look after Holly. And the "friends" they wanted to take out to the coast...well they are the same friends that are here every other weekend which of course means they could go out there any number of times when they are here. When these friends come to stay they are normally here for 4 or 5 days so plenty of time to do this. I just don't get it!

We didn't end up going to the movies on either days. Don't think that I will be asking them again to look after Holly in a hurry! Felt really let down and disappointed. During conversation at the infamous dinner, I asked how their trip out to the coast went. I know naughty but I just couldn't help myself. Granddad tells me he didn't even go, as he didn't really want to since they had only been out there doing the same things a week ago and that he gets car sick on the windy road out there! Nanny then tells me that they didn't end up staying for dinner out there or looking at the glow worms and were home later in the afternoon! WTF?! Holy Crap Batman!

Yep yep yep...speechless again! I am surprised my head didn't explode off my shoulders!

Then just to top that night off I was told several times after dinner what a mean Mummy I was...why you ask?

Well I wanted to show them how Holly can roll over now, as they haven't seen her do that yet. I put her down on one of the plush mats that I have in the nappy bag for her to lie on when at visitors places. I put one of her favourite toys, also in the nappy bag, just out of her reach so that she can grab out for it and roll over to show her grandparents just how cool and clever she is. Well how wrong could I be. Nanny grabs up the toy and puts it in front of Holly while telling me how mean I am for doing that. How would I feel I she put things out of my reach so I couldn't get to it? WTF? (man I have said that a lot in the blog. Sorry!)

In my mind I am saying "just walk away, just walk away!" I must have changed a bit since I became a Mum, because I would normally just have lost the plot at someone saying something like that to me. Holly has mallowed me it would seem!

Right I think I can put that behind me now. Man it feels better to get that off my chest! Sorry if your ears are bleeding! haha!

Lets hope the only reasons in the future that I am left speechless are times when my amazing little girl does things that blow my mind!

Support. What does it really mean?

So what does support mean to you? I am sure that we all have different ideas on what it means. I am also sure that we feel that we give enough support to others too.

Lately I have felt that the support factor has been lacking in our house. Sometimes I feel like I am bringing up little Holly all on my own. Now to be fair I am not just talking about Farmer Brown. We have a set of Grandparents living on the farm too. They live only a couple of paddocks away and are retired.

Maybe I have just come through a bit of a down patch, as I know that I have been really tired lately. I am not expecting to be waited on hand and foot, of course I wouldn't complain if by some miracle this was to actually happen! Just get a bit tired of Farmer Brown thinking that he is the only one who works a 15-16 hour day. I don't think he has actually really thought about it. Don't think anyone round here believes that what I do all day, that's looking after everyones favourite daughter and grand daughter, is actually work that is quite tiring. Can't blame me for thinking that when just recently when we had a week off Nanny asked me if I had enjoyed the break. I said that it was more like a change of scene for me as my day continued as it normally does: looking after Miss Holly and Farmer Brown. She told me that it was more important that Farmer Brown got a rest as he was the real worker! Don't worry I like her too much to punch her in the face, but man I came close! Just chose to walk away from that remark!

I knew when I got pregnant that our lives were going to change forever, for the better too as far as I was concerned! Farmer Brown seems to believe that life just carrys on as if was before - Holly who? To be honest I find this quite maddening.

I guess this is just one of those things that you just suck up and get over. I mean afteral it's just me getting upset over it. Just me doing my own head in I guess. I mean whats wrong with going to toilet just so that you can have some alone time! Whats wrong with closing the bathroom door and putting on the extractor fan while you are having a shower, trying to block out all the noise! What was I thinking!

However...I do draw the line at the thought of having to give up the one thing that I enjoy and worked hard to get a qualification in. That is my ambulance work. I know that it is voluntary work, but I love it and I don't really want to have to give it up. But it is looking more and more like that is what is going to happen.

I was supposed to be on a two day course this weekend, however I did not go. When I put it to Farmer Brown, lets just say that he wasn't too impressed that I wouldn't be able to look after Holly. I mean he actually expected me to take her with me! WTF!!!

Sometimes it just isn't worth the stress. Like I said, it just does my head in. Life is all about scarificing things for those we love. This is going to be one of the times. I love my little girl and want the best for her. If that means that ambulance has to take the back seat for a few years, I guess I can live with that can't I?

So I guess that it's chin up time. Time to get over myself. Time to be the Mum I said I wanted to be...

A Mum that makes sacrifices for her family!

Looking towards the future...

So have been doing a bit of thinking about what I want to do with my life. Have been thinking about going to study Nursing next year. I love my ambulance volunteering work, but the chances of me getting a paid job out of it in the next few years isn't high. There are not many jobs out there for new paid staff unless you want to move, which of course we wouldn't be able to do with the farm etc. Unfortunately it is a case of not what you know but who you know when it comes to getting a job in St John too.

Anyway what other options do I have? I have to keep in mind that I am 40 at the end of this year. I am the mother of a young baby and I also have a husband and a household I need to look after. I want to do something that I enjoy and along the medical side of things. Have thought about teaching too as this is something that I have always wanted to do.

Have made inquiries and it would seem the I could enrole in the Bachelor of Nursing at Wintec in Hamilton. The course is 3 years long and Holly would be over 1 year old then too. Wintec have a day care centre so that would mean that I could still be close to Holly while I am at class.

Have put the word out to my friends and family to see what they think. Always good to get feed back. I think it would be too soon to aim for the second intake this year which is in July. Plus I don't think that it would be fair on Holly, when she is still so young. Plus I would miss her too much I think at this early stage in her life! Haha I know I am such a sucker! But I guess that at some stage I will have to go back to work and get a life.

I think it would be a good opportunity for me and I think I am leaning more and more towards going for it!

Our week off...

So we decided to take the last week of January off. But what really is a holiday? I think Farmer Brown had a holiday and I had a change of location!

It was great to take Holly away for her first family holiday. Taking a baby away is a whole new experience. I have taken her by myself for a couple of days at the begininning of January but this was the first time we had taken her away together, hence the "change of location" holiday for me!

Farmer Brown seems to be under the illusion that things just carry on like it was before we had Holly. Ah no thats not how it works. He got to enjoy a sleepin every morning, waking to have his breakfast all laid out for him. He got to enjoy the meals we had out hot and not luke warm or cold. He got to enjoy walking around the shops on his own while I breast fed his daughter.

I am ever thankfull that Holly sleeps through the night and doesn't seem to mind too much that I drag her everywhere with me. As long as she gets a feed when she is hungry she is sweet. She is such a chilled out little girl and that is a blessing for sure.

So we had a couple of days down at the family back in Mokau on the West Coast of the North Island. We also, from there, travelled down to New Plymouth to indulge in a bit of retail therapy! The weather was amazing. Great beautiful sunny days and a lovely sea breeze to keep a lid on the humidity that we have again been experiencing.

Holly got to dip her toes in the sea water on our last day at the beach. Man the west coast might be my favourite beach but the black sand gets mighty hot under foot! We timed it right with our arrival at the beach as everyone else had headed back to there homes getting ready for their return to work and school. It was lovely to be at the beach and enjoy the fresh sea air.

 

We also went to the Zealong Tea plantation by Gordonton, just outside Hamilton. Well that was an experience and one that I think most would enjoy. We felt rather posh and it was one of the occasions where I silently prayed that Holly would be good and not cry! The tea and food were beautiful. Some may have considered it a bit expensive but I thought the food was definately worthy of the prices, which we didn't think were too bad for what we got!

I sure didn't have to worry about Holly. Infact she was such a doll that the group of ladies at the table next to us offered to take her while I ate my lunch! Thought that was really nice of them. She was such a good girl and it gave me a chance to actually eat my lunch when it came out to me - ah nice hot food yum yum!

So now we are back to the daily grind of life on the farm. Doesn't seem like we have been away at all! Guess the next time for a break will be when the cows have been dried off in a month or so.

Looking forward to our next adventure...

OMG She Rolled Over!

Well this would have to be one of those amazing milestones that probably only parents (mainly mothers) get all excited about!

Well Miss Holly was sick of the view from lying on her back and decided that she would roll over on her own onto her front! They just to show how smart she is, she rolled back onto her back! We have been waiting for this day to come as she has been rooling up onto her side for awhile now but flopping back down onto her back again. NOT ANYMORE!

Guess this is the start of the eyes in the back of my head stage too. No more leaving her in certain places now that there is a chance that she can roll off. We look forward to the next time that she can do her new "trick"! Farmer Brown saw her do it too so I know that I was not just making it up! He was so proud of his little girl. She rocks!

It is always fun to go into her room in the mornings and discovering where she has crept too in the cot during the night. I always ask her about her adventures during her first feed of the day, but she is not giving up any secrets dam it! Guess we will just have to leave that up to my imagination to fill in haha!

Truely a special day. Well done my little angel xxx

A Wicked Day on Duty...

Was only duty today and had an awesome shift. Maybe not so for the patients though...overdose, cardiac arrest and a mva/stroke! I got to look after the first and last patients and drive the second one under lights and siren to hospital!

The overdose patient took 62 panadol, 102 citalopram and a handfull of diazepam that was meant for animals! Status 2 and very drowsey as to be expected taking that cocktail.

The cardiac arrest was awesome as we got ROSC! The paid officer I was on with was at Subway getting his lunch when the job came in. I went out side to wait for him as the pager said it was an unconscious collapse with good resps. The second truck got sent on a job shortly after and I didn't know what or where they were going. Next thing the station phone rings and my partner says we are doing CPR on the Main Street! Holy crap! So with no ambulances at the station I had to run up to the main street and find them. Turned out thats where the other truck had gone but she too thought she was going to another job! So after nearly have a cardiac arrest myself from running (about 2 blocks from the station) I turned up at the scene. The patient had collapsed in the middle of the main street, no one had started CPR until my partner arrived but at least he wasn't too long without compressions. Once we had ROSC we got him in the back of the truck and headed for hospital. Found out later on that the patient had a Not For Resus order! Don't you hate it when you work your arse off and then discover that. We weren't to know and did the right thing by working on him.

As a breast feeding mum, we all had a big laugh back at the station about my running to the scene. For one thing, I am no athelete and definately not built for speed! The other crews thought it was a big joke that poor Holly was going to have milkshakes or cappicinos for her dinner when I get home to feed her due to my running!

The other thing that was funny about this job was we left one of the ambulances on scene for the Police to drive back to our station. When we got back to station the ambulance was locked up and we couldn't find the keys! I said to my partner: "God we had better not get a another job right now, because there is no way that I am running to another job today!" After a look in all the obvious places we resorted to ringing the Police station but they were not answering the phones, so my partner walked to their station and what do you know, the keys to our ambulance were there! Woop woop no running to jobs for me!

The mva/stroke happened in the carpark of the local Mitre 10. Poor little of lady was driving away but still in the carpark when she had a stroke. Drove her car up and over the carpark garden! Complete left sided weakness. Another status 2 patient. She as has AF as a normal condition for her. She also had a pacemaker fitted which was good as I was wondering why her rhythm strip looked strange to me. She went straight into Resus and received treatment for her clot straight away!

So I had a fantastic day on duty. Two status 2 patients and one status 1 patient. Farmer Brown looked after Holly so that I could do a whole day, which I appreciate very much! Great to get back into the saddle and build my confidence.

Thank you to everyone who made it happen for me!

Getting moving

Well our little one is now 14 weeks old, can you believe that! She has had her second lot of immunisation injections. She coped very well with them. Was back to her usual self after a couple of days. Just found her to be a little grizzly, unsettled and sleeping more than normal, but this was to be expected.

Holly is becoming more active and moving around independantly now. She can roll up onto her side but then she flops down again onto her back. Plenty of time to master the "roll over" yet as she is still pretty little to be doing that!

She likes to play a game with me in the mornings now. I put her to bed in the same position in her cot each night. In her sleep sack and towards the foot end of the cot. In the morning when I go in to get her I just never know what position she will be in, but one thing is for sure, she won't be where I left her the night before! She can turn herself around 180 degrees, creep backwards up the cot so her head is touching the headboard cot and turn herself so she is sleeping across the cot. Her best effort yet was this morning when she managed to combine all of her previous efforts. She was turned around 180 degrees up the top of the cot wedged in the corner with her head touching the rails and kicking her feet against the headboard! She is in a hurry to go place I think. But then again when I do think about it she was so active while I was pregnant with her that I guess that it would only carry on in the outside world for her!

She is also sleeping through the night now which is just awesome! She normally goes to sleep around 9.00-9.30pm and doesn't wake again until 7.00am. Just love having a good nights sleep myself and having a bit of time in the morning to get a few jobs done and eat my own breakfast before she is up and ready for her first feed of the day.

We have settled into a great routine now. Have found that now she is just that little bit older Farmer Brown is more confident with her and helps out more. He looks after her while I go and do my Ambulance shifts. I was only doing about 4 hours but am now doing about 8 hours. Will hopefully graduate up to a full 12 hour shift one day!

I am also back in the cowshed every second weekend relief milking with Farmer Brown. I only milk in the afternoons and Holly goes up to her Nannys. They just love spending time together. Good for both of them and for me too as it means that I am getting back to my normal routine of things.

Next Plunket visit we are going to be discussing having Holly start on solids. This seems too soon to me but thats just because I think that she is just a wee baby girl still and I don't want her to grow up too fast! But at the same time it is really exciting to see her developing and maturing!

People were right when they said to me, enjoy her while she is so little as that changes very quickly!

A bit of excitment to start the day off...

So had a bit of excitement today on the way to Hamilton...

Came across an accident involving a small bus carrying 11 people! First thought...OH SHIT! Second thought...you can do this! It was up the road from us by the Tiharoa Hall on those nasty corners where accidents happen all the time. Cars coming towards me down the hill were waving at us to slow down. I was thinking, oh dear what is waiting around the corner for me...oh just purple coloured bus with its front smashed in blocking the south down hill lane! There were two other cars that had been travelling behind the bus on scene too. I slowed (no cars behind me but really dangerous place to stop) and asked if everyone was ok and was told there were no injuries. I asked if anyone had called the police or an ambulance. Was told they had no cell phone reception so I said I would go up the hill and call for help and that I would be straight back. After my call to 111 I returned to the scene much to the relief of the other present.

Parked as far off the road as I could as I had Holly in the back, asleep thank goodness, but I knew she would be safe in the car. Traffic coming down the hill was causing me concern as they we coming upon the scene fast and as there was diesel on the road I was worried a secondary accident would occur. I got one of the other people who stopped to go up to the corner and wave the traffice down until the Police arrived. Worked a charm thank goodness! Asked the other car if they could tell me what had happened. It was raining and the bus had come down the hill round the corner and the back end lost traction skidding and slamming into the bank on the wrong side of the road, then travelling back to the correct side of the road but blocking the lane completely! The windscreen had come out completely and there was debris all over the road from the dashboard of the bus.

The bus was a private tour company carrying 3 Korean families on their way to Waitomo. Thankfully there were at least two on board who spoke english. Did a quick triage of 11 patients and was really pleased to find that none were seriously hurt. One had possible fractured forearm and sprained ankle. Another had a large laceration to her shin bone and a small boy had hit his head and complained of shoulder pain. Everyone else had bumps and bruises but nothing major. Thankfully everyone had been wearing their seat belts otherwise I would hate to think what I would have found otherwise. Can't believe the driver wasn't hurt as the front of the bus where he was sitting took most of the impact and he walked away with no injuries! He was really shaken though.

Meantime in my head I am thinking, where the hell are the Police and Ambulances! I tell you what it does seem like a lifetime waiting for them to arrive. I was only on scene for just over half an hour but it seemed like forever until they all arrived. Police turned up first, 2 cars. Then two ambulances followed by an Responce jeep and then the Fire Truck! Hehe I thought to myself look at me getting all these emergency service people to come to my patients aid! Didn't care if it was a bit of over kill, I was just happy to see other people!

I did my hand over and then got back in the car and drove on to Hamilton like nothing had happened! First time I have come across an accident since starting ambulance. Am really glad that there were no serious injuries and that I could deal with all those people on my own. I keep going back to the car to check on Holly, but she just kept on sleeping like the amazing baby she is! Funny how instincts just kick in when faced with something like that. I think the best thing I did was remember to slow down and breath because man the adrenaline was pumping through me thats for sure!

I knew one of the ambo crews and found out later that 4 were transported to Waikato and another friend who is a nurse at a Medical Centre in Te Awamutu said the other 7 ended up there for the afternoon! Think I might have had the easy part in the end!

Anyway I felt very pleased with my efforts. Felt really great to have my training kick in when I needed it. Was different than being on duty as I am always with someone else who has more senior qualification than me and they normally take the lead. This time it was all up to me and I did good!

Well that was all. Just wanted to share my exciting morning with you!

Goodbye 2012 and Hello 2013

So I guess you could say that 2012 was a pretty great year for us! Got pregnant unexpectedly and then gave birth to our perfect little girl in October! I think we will be hard pushed to have a better year to be honest! But then again we will be able to enjoy all the "firsts" from our little girl...teething, rolling over, crawling, walking etc.

Holly has started the new year off to a fantastic start by managing somehow to turn herself around 180 degrees in her cot last night! Couldn't believe it when I went into get her this morning when she woke up! I must admit she did look rather pleased with herself! And so it begins I guess. She is not 12 weeks old and next week she is due her second lot of immunisations and has the WOF check with Plunket. Can't wait to see her progress. She is such a little treasure and I can't believe how lucky I am to have her as my daughter.

On the work front, I have started back doing part Ambulance shifts, which is just fantastic. Man I didn't realise how much I had missed it until I did my first shift back. I was even nervous, if you could believe that. I work with such great permanent crews. They are more than happy for you to do part shifts and to be the "beautiful assisstant" for as long as you want! Not that I want to be in that role for too long!

I have also started back relief milking with Farmer Brown. Am only working in the afternoons as I don't think I really need to get up any earlier than I need too. I think I have enough early morning responsibilities with Miss Holly! Anyway...Holly goes up to stay with Nanny while I am down in the shed. Nanny loves having her come and to stay for the couple of hours that I am away. Even Granddad likes having her up there too. He was telling me the other night how much he had enjoyed having a cuddle with Miss Holly on her visit up there.

So we look forward to the coming year and the challenges and excitement that it will bring. I look forward to continuing my own grow in my return to full duties with Ambulance. More importantly I look forward to seeing my little girl continue to change and grow up into a beautiful little girl. I also look forward to spending quality time with my fabulous husband Farmer Brown. He does so much in looking after and providing for Miss Holly and myself.

Take care out there everyone and bring on the New Year!