First Bithday Party!

 

Wow our baby girl has had a big week thats for sure!

After turning the big 1 on Wednesday we had her birthday party yesterday (Saturday) at our place, down on the farm!

At first I thought it was going to be a crap day in the weather department. I woke to the sound of thunder rumbling around the place, wind rushing through the trees and rain against the window! Great day for a party!! Anyway the weather gods decided to shine on our party day because as the day got further along the sun came out to play! It was a little windy at times, but kids will be kids and a little wind and rain never stopped any of them haha!

We got Miss Holly at swing set for her birthday and I spent two hours constructing the bloody thing on Thursday afternoon! It was put through its paces yesterday with all the kids having heaps of fun playing, swinging and hanging from it! I remember briefly yelling out a disclaimer just in case anyone fell off it haha. Considering we had 3 Paramedics and 3 EMT's present I don't think I had to worry too much if I needed to call for help haha!

Miss Holly had the best day. She wore her new party dress that her Nanny got her from the big ole USA! Nanny also made Miss Holly her birthday cake. She did a fantastic job of it, and everyone loved it as there was not too much left haha! Always the sign of a great cake.

It was really nice to have everyone at our place for a change. Normally we travel to the Big Smoke for family stuff. You would think that we live on another planet the way some people carry on about travelling our way! Funny as most of them mentioned that it wasn't that hard or difficult to find. We only live in Otorohanga not Timbucktoo people!

Miss Holly got great presents. Lots of toys and new clothes to wear. I think that Farmer Brown and I had just as much fun playing with them. I know that I sure had fun "helping" Miss Holly to open them. Man I wish I was 1 again!

So the next big party on the calendar is my 40th at the end of November. Now I have Miss Hollys party done and dusted it is time to put my party planning hat back on again and get the underway!

Happy First Birthday Baby Girl!!

So one whole year since Miss Holly was born. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday she was born and other times it seems like she has been with us for years.



Holly born 09 October 2012,
3 hours old

  She is such an amazing little girl, but I guess all mothers say that about their children haha! It has been a big learning experience thats for sure. I don't think we can ever be truely prepared for the arrival of a new born baby. We think we are but really if we are truely honest I think we all just make it up as we go! You soon learn that little ones don't like to be "fitted" into boxes. I am pretty flexible with Miss Holly. If she is tired she goes to bed, if she isn't she stays up. If she is hungry I feed her, if she isn't that fine too. I let her set the pace and that seems to have worked for me so far.

Anyway this morning was a big day in our house. I loved going into Hollys room this morning and singing Happy Birthday to her on her first birthday. She smiled and clapped at me. I am sure she was thinking something like "oh for goodness sake Mum you are such and idiot". But I don't care because I love her and its a mothers job to be an idiot infront of her children haha!

We waited for Farmer Brown to come in from milking so that she could open her presents. She had such fun ripping open parcels to discover what she had been given. Her Nanny, Grandad and Uncle Scott came down after breakfast to celebrate with us too. Man she is one very lucky little girl. She got spoilt rotten with so many gifts.

And just when we thought today couldn't get any better...this evening she stood on her own without holding onto anything for the first time! She is so close to walking now. Each day I try to encourage her to do it, but I know that she will do it in her own time. Would be cool if she was walking before her party but no pressure haha!

Holly on her First Birthday!
My big baby girl.

This evening we were able to have a Video Skype with Uncle Balls and Aunty Atsuko in Melbourne so that they too could share in Miss Holly's big day. A large box of goodies arrived from them yesterday. Man they spoil her too. She is a very very luck little girl. It was so great to catch up with them, even if it was for a short time. She laughed, played, clapped and smiled her way through the conversation.

We are having a big party for Miss Holly on Saturday. Family and friends coming from all over the place. We are just hoping for good weather at the moment as it looks like it might be raining and that would not be good. Either way we will have an amazing day.

After a big day of lots of fun and excitement Miss Holly went off to bed without a beep.

The Joys of Living with Someone Who has Bi Polar

So today is one of those days where I just wish I could shut the door and tell everyone to Feek Off and leave me the hell alone.

I don't often speak out about Farmer Brown having Bi Polar. However of late you may have noticed that things have been amping up again. I have found in the past that when I have things going around and around in my head the best way to deal with them is to write them down and then things seem to settle down a bit for me.

First of all I want to stress how much I do love Farmer Brown. He told me about his Bi Polar on our second date. I knew what I was taking on when I met him. Lord know I have dark demons in my past too and he was happy for take me on warts and all too. Love you Farmer Brown. I want to help him so much. I am trying to be careful of not overloading him with information. I don't want to push him over the edge. But if he wants change then he needs to take the action.

He will be attending the 3rd counselling session on Wednesday this week. I ask him how things are going and says "fine". I understand if he doesn't want to tell me but I do want him to know that I am interested in what he is doing. He told me he has homework to do each week. He has been asked to write in a notebook each day 3 things that he has achieved. Last week he came home and said this week he has to come up with 3 long term goals. I asked him if he thinks the counselling is helping and he said he thinks so.

We have just finished the 2nd weekend of weekends off. It was our turn to milk while Farmer Brown's brother had the weekend off. I milk Fri/Sat/Sun afternoons and we have a relief milker Sat/Sun mornings. Farmer Brown has to get up earlier than usual as he has to get the cows out of the paddock, get fences sorted and put some feed out in the feed pad before the relief milker turns up at 5am. Like I said this is only the 2nd weekend of doing this and already he is struggling with the tiredness.

I just don't know the answer anymore. We talk about solutions to the problems that he faces and he agrees with what we talk about but he never seems to want to act on any of them. I know this is hard for him to do as it would mean that there would possibly be some massive changes for him to make. But unfortunately change does have to happen sometimes inorder for things to get better. I guess you really need to ask how much you really want to get out of the situation you find yourself in.

We talk about leaving the farm and getting new jobs in town. This would mean that we would loose the house we currently live in as it would go to the farm worker who would take his place. He gets all excited about looking at buying a house. Checking out what we can afford to buy and how we would pay for it. We look through the papers, do drive buys etc but we never get to the Open Homes or anything further than that. Then the conversation turns back around to comments like "its's just too hard" or "how am I going to find another job at my age" or "how can we afford to buy a house and live away from the farm" etc.

I have been trying to get him to come up with solutions. To be quite honest I am sick of having to make all the decisions around here. I will ask a question like this: "So what do you feel like for dinner? I am happy to cook anything you want". Reply: "Oh just whatever you want". My reply: "Cool peanut butter on toast it is then". That normally envokes a reaction of some sort.

Anyway while we were milking yesterday I came up with a plan. Well my latest plan for our family anyway. A plan that would mean that we wouldn't have to leave the farm or by a house. I suggested that I take over the farm work. I did work for a year on the farm as a labourer so I know how to do most things that Farmer Brown does. Anything I don't know I am sure that I can be taught and shown what to do. Then he could get a job down town. Maybe at RD1 or PPG Wrightsons or with the Vet or the Supermarket or the Petrol Station, his imagination is his limitation. All he has to do is look.
This would mean that he could get away from here, which seems to some of the problem. He would be able to work shorter hours and maybe not even work on the weekends. If we were on 2 incomes then we would be able to put Holly into daycare fulltime, so that is her sorted out. Farmer Brown's family can step in and help out too as far as I am concerned. It would mean that I may have to give up or take a leave of absence from the Ambulance work. I am willing to do this for the sake of my family. Family is about sacrifice, I can deal with that.

So we will wait and see what comes of this latest plan. I have sown the seed. He is the one who doesn't like the way things are so now it is up to him to help himself. So far all I have heard today is how tired he is, how Grandad (his father) is moaning and complaing about things that need to be done on the farm. Bla bla bla same shit different day!

Hence my first comment of: Feek off everyone and leave me the hell alone!

There is other stuff going on at the moment, but am saving that for another post!