Support. What does it really mean?

So what does support mean to you? I am sure that we all have different ideas on what it means. I am also sure that we feel that we give enough support to others too.

Lately I have felt that the support factor has been lacking in our house. Sometimes I feel like I am bringing up little Holly all on my own. Now to be fair I am not just talking about Farmer Brown. We have a set of Grandparents living on the farm too. They live only a couple of paddocks away and are retired.

Maybe I have just come through a bit of a down patch, as I know that I have been really tired lately. I am not expecting to be waited on hand and foot, of course I wouldn't complain if by some miracle this was to actually happen! Just get a bit tired of Farmer Brown thinking that he is the only one who works a 15-16 hour day. I don't think he has actually really thought about it. Don't think anyone round here believes that what I do all day, that's looking after everyones favourite daughter and grand daughter, is actually work that is quite tiring. Can't blame me for thinking that when just recently when we had a week off Nanny asked me if I had enjoyed the break. I said that it was more like a change of scene for me as my day continued as it normally does: looking after Miss Holly and Farmer Brown. She told me that it was more important that Farmer Brown got a rest as he was the real worker! Don't worry I like her too much to punch her in the face, but man I came close! Just chose to walk away from that remark!

I knew when I got pregnant that our lives were going to change forever, for the better too as far as I was concerned! Farmer Brown seems to believe that life just carrys on as if was before - Holly who? To be honest I find this quite maddening.

I guess this is just one of those things that you just suck up and get over. I mean afteral it's just me getting upset over it. Just me doing my own head in I guess. I mean whats wrong with going to toilet just so that you can have some alone time! Whats wrong with closing the bathroom door and putting on the extractor fan while you are having a shower, trying to block out all the noise! What was I thinking!

However...I do draw the line at the thought of having to give up the one thing that I enjoy and worked hard to get a qualification in. That is my ambulance work. I know that it is voluntary work, but I love it and I don't really want to have to give it up. But it is looking more and more like that is what is going to happen.

I was supposed to be on a two day course this weekend, however I did not go. When I put it to Farmer Brown, lets just say that he wasn't too impressed that I wouldn't be able to look after Holly. I mean he actually expected me to take her with me! WTF!!!

Sometimes it just isn't worth the stress. Like I said, it just does my head in. Life is all about scarificing things for those we love. This is going to be one of the times. I love my little girl and want the best for her. If that means that ambulance has to take the back seat for a few years, I guess I can live with that can't I?

So I guess that it's chin up time. Time to get over myself. Time to be the Mum I said I wanted to be...

A Mum that makes sacrifices for her family!

Looking towards the future...

So have been doing a bit of thinking about what I want to do with my life. Have been thinking about going to study Nursing next year. I love my ambulance volunteering work, but the chances of me getting a paid job out of it in the next few years isn't high. There are not many jobs out there for new paid staff unless you want to move, which of course we wouldn't be able to do with the farm etc. Unfortunately it is a case of not what you know but who you know when it comes to getting a job in St John too.

Anyway what other options do I have? I have to keep in mind that I am 40 at the end of this year. I am the mother of a young baby and I also have a husband and a household I need to look after. I want to do something that I enjoy and along the medical side of things. Have thought about teaching too as this is something that I have always wanted to do.

Have made inquiries and it would seem the I could enrole in the Bachelor of Nursing at Wintec in Hamilton. The course is 3 years long and Holly would be over 1 year old then too. Wintec have a day care centre so that would mean that I could still be close to Holly while I am at class.

Have put the word out to my friends and family to see what they think. Always good to get feed back. I think it would be too soon to aim for the second intake this year which is in July. Plus I don't think that it would be fair on Holly, when she is still so young. Plus I would miss her too much I think at this early stage in her life! Haha I know I am such a sucker! But I guess that at some stage I will have to go back to work and get a life.

I think it would be a good opportunity for me and I think I am leaning more and more towards going for it!

Our week off...

So we decided to take the last week of January off. But what really is a holiday? I think Farmer Brown had a holiday and I had a change of location!

It was great to take Holly away for her first family holiday. Taking a baby away is a whole new experience. I have taken her by myself for a couple of days at the begininning of January but this was the first time we had taken her away together, hence the "change of location" holiday for me!

Farmer Brown seems to be under the illusion that things just carry on like it was before we had Holly. Ah no thats not how it works. He got to enjoy a sleepin every morning, waking to have his breakfast all laid out for him. He got to enjoy the meals we had out hot and not luke warm or cold. He got to enjoy walking around the shops on his own while I breast fed his daughter.

I am ever thankfull that Holly sleeps through the night and doesn't seem to mind too much that I drag her everywhere with me. As long as she gets a feed when she is hungry she is sweet. She is such a chilled out little girl and that is a blessing for sure.

So we had a couple of days down at the family back in Mokau on the West Coast of the North Island. We also, from there, travelled down to New Plymouth to indulge in a bit of retail therapy! The weather was amazing. Great beautiful sunny days and a lovely sea breeze to keep a lid on the humidity that we have again been experiencing.

Holly got to dip her toes in the sea water on our last day at the beach. Man the west coast might be my favourite beach but the black sand gets mighty hot under foot! We timed it right with our arrival at the beach as everyone else had headed back to there homes getting ready for their return to work and school. It was lovely to be at the beach and enjoy the fresh sea air.

 

We also went to the Zealong Tea plantation by Gordonton, just outside Hamilton. Well that was an experience and one that I think most would enjoy. We felt rather posh and it was one of the occasions where I silently prayed that Holly would be good and not cry! The tea and food were beautiful. Some may have considered it a bit expensive but I thought the food was definately worthy of the prices, which we didn't think were too bad for what we got!

I sure didn't have to worry about Holly. Infact she was such a doll that the group of ladies at the table next to us offered to take her while I ate my lunch! Thought that was really nice of them. She was such a good girl and it gave me a chance to actually eat my lunch when it came out to me - ah nice hot food yum yum!

So now we are back to the daily grind of life on the farm. Doesn't seem like we have been away at all! Guess the next time for a break will be when the cows have been dried off in a month or so.

Looking forward to our next adventure...