Christmas Day

Wow so after all the build up and anticipation of waiting for Christmas it is now the day after and we can all have the chance to take a breath again.

We had a great day with Farmer Browns family up at the big house. We started the day off with breakfast at our place, just the three of us. Farmer Brown and I opened the presentsthat we had for each other. I had been on Ambulance duty the night beforeSo I decided to have a quick nap after breakfast before we headed up to The Big House for Christmas Lunch.

Before we had lunch we opened our presents. Of course we all enjoyed helping and watching Miss Holly rip into hers. She didn't need too much help and really seemed to be enjoying herself. She of course was spoilt rotten. She managed to score a tractor, a horse and a motorbike! She got lots of other items too. Books, toys, a little armchair, paddling pool and much much more!

After the rest of us had opened our gifts we had our beautiful and delicious lunch that Farmer Browns Mum had made for us. We were not disappointed as my Mother In Law is an amazing cook. This time I remembered that my eyes were not as big as my belly and I paced myself. After lunch came dessert so as you can imagine I was quite glad that 1 had controlled myself during lunch!

Then we all just hung out with each other for a while playing with and watching Miss Holly enjoy her new toys before we headed back to our place for a bit of a rest before we were due back up at The Big House for dinner.

All in all Miss Holly had a fabulous day and was very very tired by the end of it. She slept for 12 hours that night which was just great for me haha!

So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas however you spent it. Now bring on the New Year!

The Gift of Time

So as the silly season approaches, with greater speed than the year before, we are all left trying to decided what the best gift is for us to prevent to our loved ones.

This can be a stressfull time for some, whether it be due to financial reasons, family members in distant places or overseas, family members who may not be with us here on earth anymore or you just plain don't like this time of the year!

I must say that I was in the "I just plan don't like this time of the year" but for many reasons. My biggest being that I don't really have my own family around me to celebrate with. Don't get me wrong, I do have Farmer Browns family and they accept me as one of their own. But you just can't beat your own flesh and blood being with you at this time of the year.

I have an interesting family dynamic. My mum lives in the South Island and my Sister lives in Mexico. Well that's no big deal you might say but ... they are both part of a religion that chooses not to celebrate such occasions as Birthdays or Christmas. My brother (Uncle Balls ) and his fantastic wife (the hot Asian) live in Melbourne, Australia. Thankfully they have recently been liberated from the strangle hold of the religion/cult that my Mother and Sister believe in. Both of my Grandparents are not with us on earth anymore. In fact my Grandpa died on Christmas Eve so that sort of spoils that day and night, as we were both close to each other. Miss you Pop!

I do have an Aunty and Uncle and a Cousin and her Fiance. Normally we would spend part of the day with them, either at their place or at ours. Last year I was on my own here at the farm with Holly as a two month old. My Aunty told me that she was going to their beach house for Christmas, then I saw photos of her on Facebook at another relatives of theirs late into the night of Christmas! Guess they didn't quite make it there afteral. This year I was looking forward to spending time with them as we didn't see them last year. But thats where you are mistaken...

I got a text from her stating that they would be going to the beach early on Christmas morning and that they would be having drinks on Christmas Eve so they wouldn't be available to see us then either. Nothing like feeling the love haha! I said that it would be a stink Christmas not having your only family member in NZ to celebrate Christmas with. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, that she didn't have time for us this year, that it wasn't all about me and that she wanted to be somewhere quiet where she could put her feet up! OKAY THEN! Why don't you just say what your really feeling!

I have calmed down a little bit since that conversation. I just feel sorry for Miss Holly who will grow up with only one side of her family, that of Farmer Browns.

That got me thinking as to why I was so upset by what my Aunty had said. I think what it comes down to is this...

Since our dad left when we were only young (I was 7 years old and my brother not quite 2 years old) we have never had a complete family. Our mother always did the best by us and brought us up the best way she knew how. When my dad left so did one whole side of our family. That is our other Grandparents, Uncles and Auntys as well as cousins that we have never even met.

Then out mother joined a religion/cult that didn't celebrate Christmas, amongst other things. As a result of that from my 13th birthday onwards we never celebrated Christmas Day with our remaining family. We were on the outside, almost treated as outsiders by the remaining family as they didn't understand why we no longer took part in such days and celebrations.

Long story short I broke free of this religion/cult in my 20's and haven't looked back since. Now I became the outsider, on my own in a world that I was taught was bad, wicked and condemned etc. I started to celebrate Christmas with my Aunty and her family, a union for which I was grateful for as I now had true family to share this day with again. Then I met Troy and his family welcomed me with open arms.

My mother chooses to have limited contact with me and my little family. She has also choosen to break all contact with my brother and his wife, since they broke free. This breaks my heart! How can someone love their "god" more than their own family? But that could be a whole other topic to blog about haha!

All I have ever wanted is to be part of a family. To "fit" somewhere.

Now I have the gift of our Holly to make my own little family with. I also welcomed the news/decision of Uncle Balls and the Hot Asian breaking free of the religion/cult to join us as family again. Stink they live in Melbourne, but I can't have everything my own way! Afteral it's not all about me remember haha!

This year has been a bit of challenge to say the least. The last 6 months in particular, dealing with Farmer Brown's bipolar episodes etc have honestly been draining and hard to deal with. I found myself getting so annoyed and angry about things here on the farm and the lack of time that he has for our family and his little girl. If he isn't working, he is sleeping. If he isn't sleeping, he is working etc.

Again I ask myself: why does this upset me so much?

Daddy issues! When I was a little girl I was Daddy's girl. I went everywhere with him and was always with him down at the workshop. However, he never really had time for us at home. As I am the oldest I guess that I am a bit luckier as I did get to spend more time with him. He was always working either at the workshop, on the road, at our house or at our beach house building it. He felt that making things for us made up for this. He made us things like a set of swings, a seesaw, a rocking horse, a dolls cot etc. But I guess all I really wanted was: THE GIFT OF TIME.

So there it is in a nutshell. I too want Farmer Brown to give us the Gift of Time. Working hard and saving money is great but we need to see him and spend time with him too. The farm can be all consuming at the best of times. Working involves him pretty much 14 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Expensive gifts are nice but you can't beat the gift of time. I don't want our daughter growing up wishing that her Daddy had spent more time with her. I don't want Farmer Brown to have regrets later in his life about not spending time withi his little girl. She just loves it when he comes home in the morning. Calling out Daddy and waving to him through the window before he is even inside! Most days he is asleep when she goes to Day Care and so misses out on wishing her a happy day and kissing her goodbye.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want my little girl growing up without family surrounding her. I want her to "fit" somewhere. To be told by my only family (here in NZ) that they don't have time for us, cut a bit close to the quick for me. The pressure of living with a husband with bipolar and who is a Dairy Farmer should not get in the way of me providing unconditional love for my baby girl.

Think not of the expensive toys and other presents that are sometimes thought of as a must. Rather think of the GIFT OF TIME. Nothing could be more important than that. Time goes by so quickly that our time here sometimes passes us by. Don't let this happen to your family. Take some time out, pick up your kids and give them a hug and a kiss. Read them a story or if you really have to - sing them a song haha! If you don't have kids, steal someone elses - no that is not recommended. Just hug the person next to you. Do we need a reason? Just do it!

And if someone does give you gift of time, be sure to play it forward! It costs nothing and the rewards are ten fold!

The Day Care Experience

Well Miss Holly has been going to Day Care now for almost 2 months. She just loves it. I can't believe how much she has changed since she's been going there. Her development is racing along leaps and bounds. Everyday she comes home she tells me, in her babble, all the exciting things she has done during the day.

Have had some friends ask me why she is in Day Care when I don't work. I too struggled with the same question, but I know that I have made the right decision for her. Living on a dairy farm you can sometimes feel isolated. I want her to grow up with as many friends as possible. I have seen what living on a farm has done to Farmer Brown and his brother. Let me put it this way...Farmer Brown's brother is now 44 and still lives at home with his mum and dad!

I am coming off two nights shifts at the beginning of each week so with Miss Holly being away at Day Care allows me to catch up, on my sleep. Before when she was home with me, I was only able to nap when she did so I never really had quality sleep or be able to catch up properly. Another blessing of Day Care!

I think that it is very important for little ones to socialised and I definately want this for Miss Holly. She just loves being around other people, young or old. As she started at the Day Care on the second day it was open, she will grow up with the other kids there. Making life long friends thus having mates not only now but as they move onto school etc.

The other thing that I really love about Day Care is that they do so much extra stuff with the kids that I wouldn't think about. I do plenty with Miss Holly at home but it is great that she is doing different stuff each day she is there with them. I get a real kick out of seeing all her arts and craft work up on the walls when I go into collect her.

She is more than happy to be dropped off for the three days a week that she attends. When she goes back after the weekend she calls out and waves to her little mates when she enters the centre. It's almost like she is saying "Hey bitches, I'm back!". She is such a hoot.

So I guess that even though there maybe some out there who don't like Day Care and think that Mums should look after their own kids, I don't care! I LOVE Day Care and what it represents!