Okay so first of all I have to admit that I have taken these ideas from a website called Elite Daily. I stumbled upon then on Facebook but I found them so powerful that I had to share.
The article is entitled: 20 Things That Mentally Strong People Don't Do. It is the musing of a writer named Paul Hudson. I will leave the full article for you to read in your own time. However I will list the 20 things that mentally strong people don't do:
1. Dwelling On The Past
2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone
3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others
4. Avoiding Change
5. Keeping A Closed Mind
6. Letting Others Make Decisions For them
7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of others
8. Thinkg About The High Possibility Of Failure
9. Feeling Sorry for Themselves
10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses
11. Trying To Please People
12. Blaming Themselves For Thigns Outside Their Control
13. Being Impatient
14. Being Misunderstood
15. Feeling Like You're Owned
16. Repeating Mistakes
17. Giving Into Their Fears
18. Acting Without Calulating
19. Refusing Help From Others
20. Throwing In The Towel
http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/20-things-mentally-strong-people-dont-do
Sometimes we seem preoccupied with over complicating our lives. We need to remember its the small things in life that make us happy. We become over concerned with being the person that others want us to be, that we forget that we are all individuals and our own person. You don't have to please others, it's acutally okay to do what you want.
Sometimes we think that it is just too hard to change, but think of all the possibilities that you may be missing out on. We as humans generally don't like change, but thankfully there are those among us who are not afraid and as result we have a better world to live in. Be the one who makes the change instead of being the one who just sits back wanting things to be different but not being prepared to do anything about it.
I would be the first to admit that staying in the rutt of life is a safe place for me. I am guilty of being that person that says things like: oh I wish I had done that, I have always wanted to do that, why can't I do that. Now I am going to try to be the person who says things like this: I am going to do that because I have always wanted to, what can I do to take the steps I need to reach that goal.
These are a few of the wise words that I like from the article. I am going to apply some of them in my day to day life. I don't want to be in the rutt anymore people!
"Staying in your comfort zone is giving up on life"
"Trying to avoid change is pointless; it's a mere waste of time and energy"
"If you stop learning, you stop living"
"If you don't have the courage to fail, then you don't have the courage to succeed"
"You can't please everyone, but you can always manage to do your very best"
"Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come"
"In life, there are no handouts"
"If others are offering to help, let them help"
And my favourite:
"Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren't important to you. If they're important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. NO EXCEPTIONS, EVER!
Small steps are needed but you can do it. Become a legend, a game changer, a person who is mentally strong.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The Circle of Life
Came off duty last night (Monday) on a bit of a high. Was even still buzzing about it this morning when I woke up. Only 3 jobs for my night but they were an overdose, an MVA involving a car vs truck and trailer unit and then to end the night a birth!
The MVA turned out to not be as serious as it could have potentially been. The driver of the car was drunk! This is what I think could very well have saved his life! He had pulled out of a rural intersection ignoring the Give Way sign. The truck and trailer unit were doing 100km per hour! The truck driver took evasive action but still hit the car on the passenger side pushing the vehicle to the side of the road facing the wrong way. The driver of the car only sustained a blood nose from the air bag hitting him in the face! Like I said very lucky. Then driver of the truck was unjured but badly shaken as to be expected! I really do not like treating druck drivers as they are generally full of attitude, as was this driver. They don't seem to have any comprehension of the danger they pose not only to themselves but other drivers etc on our roads. This guy was trying hard to blame the truck driver even though it was clearly driver of the cars fault. Grrr. We transported the guy to Hospital for observation etc. Enroute to Hospital he became quite lippy with me. He even tried it on at the Hospital so we had to get Security involved! Like I said before, these types of patient really annoy the crap out of me. They take up valuable resources that could be needed else where!
After finishing that job we were responded straight away to a birth in progress! This is the sort of job that you can get really excited about but has the potential to go belly up pretty quick if there are complications.
Thankfully on our arrival, which was only a couple of minutes, the baby had been born and was fit, healthy, great pink colour and very very responsive. All things you want to hear and see when you attend such a job! This was the second child for the parents. Baby was a week early which is why his arrival was such a surprise to everyone! Mum had been having contractions for a while, however the delivery was very quick. Her waters broke and she yelled out to her husband. When he walked into their room she was standing up holding the head of the baby between her legs! Baby was delivered safely and when we got there mother and baby were sitting in the hallway. Glad the mess was all in their house and not the back of our ambulance haha! I got to help deliver the placenta. Then we set about prepping to cut the cord. Making sure all the important things were out of the way of the scalpal! Didn't want to circumsise the new born son haha! Dad did the honors with a big cheesy grin on his face.
We loaded mother and baby into our ambulance and transported them to their birthing centre where their midwife was. The midwife was already attending two births in progress at the centre, hence why she wasn't at the house!
Came away from that job feeling such a buzz! It was a real priviledge to be part of something so special.
To start the night off with someone who wanted to end their life by overdose, to an idiot drunk driver with no regard for anyone elses life, to new life beginning! The circle of life as I said!
The MVA turned out to not be as serious as it could have potentially been. The driver of the car was drunk! This is what I think could very well have saved his life! He had pulled out of a rural intersection ignoring the Give Way sign. The truck and trailer unit were doing 100km per hour! The truck driver took evasive action but still hit the car on the passenger side pushing the vehicle to the side of the road facing the wrong way. The driver of the car only sustained a blood nose from the air bag hitting him in the face! Like I said very lucky. Then driver of the truck was unjured but badly shaken as to be expected! I really do not like treating druck drivers as they are generally full of attitude, as was this driver. They don't seem to have any comprehension of the danger they pose not only to themselves but other drivers etc on our roads. This guy was trying hard to blame the truck driver even though it was clearly driver of the cars fault. Grrr. We transported the guy to Hospital for observation etc. Enroute to Hospital he became quite lippy with me. He even tried it on at the Hospital so we had to get Security involved! Like I said before, these types of patient really annoy the crap out of me. They take up valuable resources that could be needed else where!
After finishing that job we were responded straight away to a birth in progress! This is the sort of job that you can get really excited about but has the potential to go belly up pretty quick if there are complications.
Thankfully on our arrival, which was only a couple of minutes, the baby had been born and was fit, healthy, great pink colour and very very responsive. All things you want to hear and see when you attend such a job! This was the second child for the parents. Baby was a week early which is why his arrival was such a surprise to everyone! Mum had been having contractions for a while, however the delivery was very quick. Her waters broke and she yelled out to her husband. When he walked into their room she was standing up holding the head of the baby between her legs! Baby was delivered safely and when we got there mother and baby were sitting in the hallway. Glad the mess was all in their house and not the back of our ambulance haha! I got to help deliver the placenta. Then we set about prepping to cut the cord. Making sure all the important things were out of the way of the scalpal! Didn't want to circumsise the new born son haha! Dad did the honors with a big cheesy grin on his face.
We loaded mother and baby into our ambulance and transported them to their birthing centre where their midwife was. The midwife was already attending two births in progress at the centre, hence why she wasn't at the house!
Came away from that job feeling such a buzz! It was a real priviledge to be part of something so special.
To start the night off with someone who wanted to end their life by overdose, to an idiot drunk driver with no regard for anyone elses life, to new life beginning! The circle of life as I said!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Please Let 2014 Be Better Than 2013
Hello 2014!
Nice to see you, but I have to admit that for a moment there I thought we were going to get off on the wrong foot!
Saw the New Year on Ambulance Duty! Was a fun night as the my crew member is a real hoot and there was no way that we weren't going to have some fun, even if it might be at our patients expense haha!
We were out the door pretty much straight away for a medical call and then we really didn't do too much until closer to midnight. In fact our midnight patient was oh wait what did you expect...thats right a drunk person haha! Thankfully they were partying hard at their Mum and Dads house so we didn't have to clog up the hospital. The patient was fine to be left at home and in the care of the sober concern parents!
Then we ended up at the local prison, which is always a fun visit! Some of those prisoners sure know the right words to say to get a trip to hospital. Unfortunately we have our hands tied a bit here as we have to treat not only what we see but what they are telling us. If they know the right words to use such as "chest pain" etc then we have a duty of care to take them to hospital! By the time we waited for all the appropriate paperwork for the prisoner to be allowed to come to hospital with the appropriate guards to their company etc it turned into a very very long job. Don't get me wrong, some of the prisoners are actually sick and need our help, but sadly this was not the case with this gentleman!
Got back to station about 3.30am and managed to even shut our eyes for about an hour and a half after winding down. The tones go off at 5.45am and we are out the door again! This time we were off to Raglan for a patient who had collapsed and had been seen to have seizure. The Raglan crew already had the patient on board so we met them enroute, transferred the patient our truck and then carried on back towards hospital. Made it almost all the way to Raglan though. Good P1 driving my fine crew memeber haha!
Finally got back to our station just after 7.30am. Restock the truck and then it was time to log off and head home for a well deserved sleep!
I really enjoyed having the chance to do the first complete 13 hour shift, I normally only do 8 hours, in over 2 years! Oh the joys of having been pregnant and then having a baby to look after! Miss Holly spent the night up at her Nannys.
This was the first big sleep over for Miss Holly at Nannys. Secretly I was praying that she would be a good girl, go to bed without any fuss, sleep all night, wake up at her normal time around 6.30-7.00am, eat her breakfast and basically be a good girl! My wish it seemed was granted. She was just a little star! Farmer Brown had gone up to the Big House for dinner and stayed there until Miss Holly was settled in to bed for the night. Nanny tells me that she only heard her once during the night, but left her as I had instructed and she went back to sleep until 6.30am like the good girl that she is! She not only ate her breakfast, she even drank almost a whole bottle too!
I am hoping that this now opens the way for her to go up there at other times! It would be so great to have some time to ourselves once and a while. Maybe to enjoy dinner out or even a movie etc. Am so proud of Missy for being such a good wee girl!
Miss Holly is now walking like she has done it all of her little wee life. She races around the house without a care in the world. She is so funny. When she knows she is doing something that we don't like her to do, she tries to run away from us, giggling her head off like it is the biggest joke out!
The other day I could hear splashing water coming from somewhere and what do you know Miss Holly was no where to be seen....until I looked in the toilet! There she is with the toilet brush in her hand splashing it in and out of the toilet! Water going everywhere, so much so that she was having trouble getting traction on the slippery floor! She thought it was hilarious. I must admit that I did too but I was really trying hard not to laugh out loud! Don't want to encourage her too much. Instead I steered her out of the toilet and told her that next time I would show her how to use the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine since she was so keen haha!
Tomorrow she is off to get her 15 month old immunisations. Am taking Farmer Brown with me as he will need to help me hold her for this round as she is to get 3 injections this time. One in each thigh and one in the arm. Poor wee bugger! Needs to be done though and she doesn't have the next ones until she is 4 years old. At least its a big break between this and the next lot!
She is back at Day Care this week after a two week break for the Christmas Holidays. I have enjoyed having her at home with me, but I would be lying if I said that I was happy that she was going back on Tuesday haha!
So 2014, so far so good and long may it continue. Lets put all the turmoil of last year behind us and look onwards and upwards for the next exciting chapter in our busy busy lives!
Nice to see you, but I have to admit that for a moment there I thought we were going to get off on the wrong foot!
Saw the New Year on Ambulance Duty! Was a fun night as the my crew member is a real hoot and there was no way that we weren't going to have some fun, even if it might be at our patients expense haha!
We were out the door pretty much straight away for a medical call and then we really didn't do too much until closer to midnight. In fact our midnight patient was oh wait what did you expect...thats right a drunk person haha! Thankfully they were partying hard at their Mum and Dads house so we didn't have to clog up the hospital. The patient was fine to be left at home and in the care of the sober concern parents!
Then we ended up at the local prison, which is always a fun visit! Some of those prisoners sure know the right words to say to get a trip to hospital. Unfortunately we have our hands tied a bit here as we have to treat not only what we see but what they are telling us. If they know the right words to use such as "chest pain" etc then we have a duty of care to take them to hospital! By the time we waited for all the appropriate paperwork for the prisoner to be allowed to come to hospital with the appropriate guards to their company etc it turned into a very very long job. Don't get me wrong, some of the prisoners are actually sick and need our help, but sadly this was not the case with this gentleman!
Got back to station about 3.30am and managed to even shut our eyes for about an hour and a half after winding down. The tones go off at 5.45am and we are out the door again! This time we were off to Raglan for a patient who had collapsed and had been seen to have seizure. The Raglan crew already had the patient on board so we met them enroute, transferred the patient our truck and then carried on back towards hospital. Made it almost all the way to Raglan though. Good P1 driving my fine crew memeber haha!
Finally got back to our station just after 7.30am. Restock the truck and then it was time to log off and head home for a well deserved sleep!
I really enjoyed having the chance to do the first complete 13 hour shift, I normally only do 8 hours, in over 2 years! Oh the joys of having been pregnant and then having a baby to look after! Miss Holly spent the night up at her Nannys.
This was the first big sleep over for Miss Holly at Nannys. Secretly I was praying that she would be a good girl, go to bed without any fuss, sleep all night, wake up at her normal time around 6.30-7.00am, eat her breakfast and basically be a good girl! My wish it seemed was granted. She was just a little star! Farmer Brown had gone up to the Big House for dinner and stayed there until Miss Holly was settled in to bed for the night. Nanny tells me that she only heard her once during the night, but left her as I had instructed and she went back to sleep until 6.30am like the good girl that she is! She not only ate her breakfast, she even drank almost a whole bottle too!
I am hoping that this now opens the way for her to go up there at other times! It would be so great to have some time to ourselves once and a while. Maybe to enjoy dinner out or even a movie etc. Am so proud of Missy for being such a good wee girl!
Miss Holly is now walking like she has done it all of her little wee life. She races around the house without a care in the world. She is so funny. When she knows she is doing something that we don't like her to do, she tries to run away from us, giggling her head off like it is the biggest joke out!
The other day I could hear splashing water coming from somewhere and what do you know Miss Holly was no where to be seen....until I looked in the toilet! There she is with the toilet brush in her hand splashing it in and out of the toilet! Water going everywhere, so much so that she was having trouble getting traction on the slippery floor! She thought it was hilarious. I must admit that I did too but I was really trying hard not to laugh out loud! Don't want to encourage her too much. Instead I steered her out of the toilet and told her that next time I would show her how to use the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine since she was so keen haha!
Tomorrow she is off to get her 15 month old immunisations. Am taking Farmer Brown with me as he will need to help me hold her for this round as she is to get 3 injections this time. One in each thigh and one in the arm. Poor wee bugger! Needs to be done though and she doesn't have the next ones until she is 4 years old. At least its a big break between this and the next lot!
She is back at Day Care this week after a two week break for the Christmas Holidays. I have enjoyed having her at home with me, but I would be lying if I said that I was happy that she was going back on Tuesday haha!
So 2014, so far so good and long may it continue. Lets put all the turmoil of last year behind us and look onwards and upwards for the next exciting chapter in our busy busy lives!
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Christmas Day
Wow so after all the build up and anticipation of waiting for Christmas it is now the day after and we can all have the chance to take a breath again.
We had a great day with Farmer Browns family up at the big house. We started the day off with breakfast at our place, just the three of us. Farmer Brown and I opened the presentsthat we had for each other. I had been on Ambulance duty the night beforeSo I decided to have a quick nap after breakfast before we headed up to The Big House for Christmas Lunch.
Before we had lunch we opened our presents. Of course we all enjoyed helping and watching Miss Holly rip into hers. She didn't need too much help and really seemed to be enjoying herself. She of course was spoilt rotten. She managed to score a tractor, a horse and a motorbike! She got lots of other items too. Books, toys, a little armchair, paddling pool and much much more!
After the rest of us had opened our gifts we had our beautiful and delicious lunch that Farmer Browns Mum had made for us. We were not disappointed as my Mother In Law is an amazing cook. This time I remembered that my eyes were not as big as my belly and I paced myself. After lunch came dessert so as you can imagine I was quite glad that 1 had controlled myself during lunch!
Then we all just hung out with each other for a while playing with and watching Miss Holly enjoy her new toys before we headed back to our place for a bit of a rest before we were due back up at The Big House for dinner.
All in all Miss Holly had a fabulous day and was very very tired by the end of it. She slept for 12 hours that night which was just great for me haha!
So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas however you spent it. Now bring on the New Year!
We had a great day with Farmer Browns family up at the big house. We started the day off with breakfast at our place, just the three of us. Farmer Brown and I opened the presentsthat we had for each other. I had been on Ambulance duty the night beforeSo I decided to have a quick nap after breakfast before we headed up to The Big House for Christmas Lunch.
Before we had lunch we opened our presents. Of course we all enjoyed helping and watching Miss Holly rip into hers. She didn't need too much help and really seemed to be enjoying herself. She of course was spoilt rotten. She managed to score a tractor, a horse and a motorbike! She got lots of other items too. Books, toys, a little armchair, paddling pool and much much more!
After the rest of us had opened our gifts we had our beautiful and delicious lunch that Farmer Browns Mum had made for us. We were not disappointed as my Mother In Law is an amazing cook. This time I remembered that my eyes were not as big as my belly and I paced myself. After lunch came dessert so as you can imagine I was quite glad that 1 had controlled myself during lunch!
Then we all just hung out with each other for a while playing with and watching Miss Holly enjoy her new toys before we headed back to our place for a bit of a rest before we were due back up at The Big House for dinner.
All in all Miss Holly had a fabulous day and was very very tired by the end of it. She slept for 12 hours that night which was just great for me haha!
So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas however you spent it. Now bring on the New Year!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
The Gift of Time
So as the silly season approaches, with greater speed than the year before, we are all left trying to decided what the best gift is for us to prevent to our loved ones.
This can be a stressfull time for some, whether it be due to financial reasons, family members in distant places or overseas, family members who may not be with us here on earth anymore or you just plain don't like this time of the year!
I must say that I was in the "I just plan don't like this time of the year" but for many reasons. My biggest being that I don't really have my own family around me to celebrate with. Don't get me wrong, I do have Farmer Browns family and they accept me as one of their own. But you just can't beat your own flesh and blood being with you at this time of the year.
I have an interesting family dynamic. My mum lives in the South Island and my Sister lives in Mexico. Well that's no big deal you might say but ... they are both part of a religion that chooses not to celebrate such occasions as Birthdays or Christmas. My brother (Uncle Balls ) and his fantastic wife (the hot Asian) live in Melbourne, Australia. Thankfully they have recently been liberated from the strangle hold of the religion/cult that my Mother and Sister believe in. Both of my Grandparents are not with us on earth anymore. In fact my Grandpa died on Christmas Eve so that sort of spoils that day and night, as we were both close to each other. Miss you Pop!
I do have an Aunty and Uncle and a Cousin and her Fiance. Normally we would spend part of the day with them, either at their place or at ours. Last year I was on my own here at the farm with Holly as a two month old. My Aunty told me that she was going to their beach house for Christmas, then I saw photos of her on Facebook at another relatives of theirs late into the night of Christmas! Guess they didn't quite make it there afteral. This year I was looking forward to spending time with them as we didn't see them last year. But thats where you are mistaken...
I got a text from her stating that they would be going to the beach early on Christmas morning and that they would be having drinks on Christmas Eve so they wouldn't be available to see us then either. Nothing like feeling the love haha! I said that it would be a stink Christmas not having your only family member in NZ to celebrate Christmas with. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, that she didn't have time for us this year, that it wasn't all about me and that she wanted to be somewhere quiet where she could put her feet up! OKAY THEN! Why don't you just say what your really feeling!
I have calmed down a little bit since that conversation. I just feel sorry for Miss Holly who will grow up with only one side of her family, that of Farmer Browns.
That got me thinking as to why I was so upset by what my Aunty had said. I think what it comes down to is this...
Since our dad left when we were only young (I was 7 years old and my brother not quite 2 years old) we have never had a complete family. Our mother always did the best by us and brought us up the best way she knew how. When my dad left so did one whole side of our family. That is our other Grandparents, Uncles and Auntys as well as cousins that we have never even met.
Then out mother joined a religion/cult that didn't celebrate Christmas, amongst other things. As a result of that from my 13th birthday onwards we never celebrated Christmas Day with our remaining family. We were on the outside, almost treated as outsiders by the remaining family as they didn't understand why we no longer took part in such days and celebrations.
Long story short I broke free of this religion/cult in my 20's and haven't looked back since. Now I became the outsider, on my own in a world that I was taught was bad, wicked and condemned etc. I started to celebrate Christmas with my Aunty and her family, a union for which I was grateful for as I now had true family to share this day with again. Then I met Troy and his family welcomed me with open arms.
My mother chooses to have limited contact with me and my little family. She has also choosen to break all contact with my brother and his wife, since they broke free. This breaks my heart! How can someone love their "god" more than their own family? But that could be a whole other topic to blog about haha!
All I have ever wanted is to be part of a family. To "fit" somewhere.
Now I have the gift of our Holly to make my own little family with. I also welcomed the news/decision of Uncle Balls and the Hot Asian breaking free of the religion/cult to join us as family again. Stink they live in Melbourne, but I can't have everything my own way! Afteral it's not all about me remember haha!
This year has been a bit of challenge to say the least. The last 6 months in particular, dealing with Farmer Brown's bipolar episodes etc have honestly been draining and hard to deal with. I found myself getting so annoyed and angry about things here on the farm and the lack of time that he has for our family and his little girl. If he isn't working, he is sleeping. If he isn't sleeping, he is working etc.
Again I ask myself: why does this upset me so much?
Daddy issues! When I was a little girl I was Daddy's girl. I went everywhere with him and was always with him down at the workshop. However, he never really had time for us at home. As I am the oldest I guess that I am a bit luckier as I did get to spend more time with him. He was always working either at the workshop, on the road, at our house or at our beach house building it. He felt that making things for us made up for this. He made us things like a set of swings, a seesaw, a rocking horse, a dolls cot etc. But I guess all I really wanted was: THE GIFT OF TIME.
So there it is in a nutshell. I too want Farmer Brown to give us the Gift of Time. Working hard and saving money is great but we need to see him and spend time with him too. The farm can be all consuming at the best of times. Working involves him pretty much 14 hours a day and 7 days a week.
Expensive gifts are nice but you can't beat the gift of time. I don't want our daughter growing up wishing that her Daddy had spent more time with her. I don't want Farmer Brown to have regrets later in his life about not spending time withi his little girl. She just loves it when he comes home in the morning. Calling out Daddy and waving to him through the window before he is even inside! Most days he is asleep when she goes to Day Care and so misses out on wishing her a happy day and kissing her goodbye.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want my little girl growing up without family surrounding her. I want her to "fit" somewhere. To be told by my only family (here in NZ) that they don't have time for us, cut a bit close to the quick for me. The pressure of living with a husband with bipolar and who is a Dairy Farmer should not get in the way of me providing unconditional love for my baby girl.
Think not of the expensive toys and other presents that are sometimes thought of as a must. Rather think of the GIFT OF TIME. Nothing could be more important than that. Time goes by so quickly that our time here sometimes passes us by. Don't let this happen to your family. Take some time out, pick up your kids and give them a hug and a kiss. Read them a story or if you really have to - sing them a song haha! If you don't have kids, steal someone elses - no that is not recommended. Just hug the person next to you. Do we need a reason? Just do it!
And if someone does give you gift of time, be sure to play it forward! It costs nothing and the rewards are ten fold!
This can be a stressfull time for some, whether it be due to financial reasons, family members in distant places or overseas, family members who may not be with us here on earth anymore or you just plain don't like this time of the year!
I must say that I was in the "I just plan don't like this time of the year" but for many reasons. My biggest being that I don't really have my own family around me to celebrate with. Don't get me wrong, I do have Farmer Browns family and they accept me as one of their own. But you just can't beat your own flesh and blood being with you at this time of the year.
I have an interesting family dynamic. My mum lives in the South Island and my Sister lives in Mexico. Well that's no big deal you might say but ... they are both part of a religion that chooses not to celebrate such occasions as Birthdays or Christmas. My brother (Uncle Balls ) and his fantastic wife (the hot Asian) live in Melbourne, Australia. Thankfully they have recently been liberated from the strangle hold of the religion/cult that my Mother and Sister believe in. Both of my Grandparents are not with us on earth anymore. In fact my Grandpa died on Christmas Eve so that sort of spoils that day and night, as we were both close to each other. Miss you Pop!
I do have an Aunty and Uncle and a Cousin and her Fiance. Normally we would spend part of the day with them, either at their place or at ours. Last year I was on my own here at the farm with Holly as a two month old. My Aunty told me that she was going to their beach house for Christmas, then I saw photos of her on Facebook at another relatives of theirs late into the night of Christmas! Guess they didn't quite make it there afteral. This year I was looking forward to spending time with them as we didn't see them last year. But thats where you are mistaken...
I got a text from her stating that they would be going to the beach early on Christmas morning and that they would be having drinks on Christmas Eve so they wouldn't be available to see us then either. Nothing like feeling the love haha! I said that it would be a stink Christmas not having your only family member in NZ to celebrate Christmas with. She said I was trying to make her feel guilty, that she didn't have time for us this year, that it wasn't all about me and that she wanted to be somewhere quiet where she could put her feet up! OKAY THEN! Why don't you just say what your really feeling!
I have calmed down a little bit since that conversation. I just feel sorry for Miss Holly who will grow up with only one side of her family, that of Farmer Browns.
That got me thinking as to why I was so upset by what my Aunty had said. I think what it comes down to is this...
Since our dad left when we were only young (I was 7 years old and my brother not quite 2 years old) we have never had a complete family. Our mother always did the best by us and brought us up the best way she knew how. When my dad left so did one whole side of our family. That is our other Grandparents, Uncles and Auntys as well as cousins that we have never even met.
Then out mother joined a religion/cult that didn't celebrate Christmas, amongst other things. As a result of that from my 13th birthday onwards we never celebrated Christmas Day with our remaining family. We were on the outside, almost treated as outsiders by the remaining family as they didn't understand why we no longer took part in such days and celebrations.
Long story short I broke free of this religion/cult in my 20's and haven't looked back since. Now I became the outsider, on my own in a world that I was taught was bad, wicked and condemned etc. I started to celebrate Christmas with my Aunty and her family, a union for which I was grateful for as I now had true family to share this day with again. Then I met Troy and his family welcomed me with open arms.
My mother chooses to have limited contact with me and my little family. She has also choosen to break all contact with my brother and his wife, since they broke free. This breaks my heart! How can someone love their "god" more than their own family? But that could be a whole other topic to blog about haha!
All I have ever wanted is to be part of a family. To "fit" somewhere.
Now I have the gift of our Holly to make my own little family with. I also welcomed the news/decision of Uncle Balls and the Hot Asian breaking free of the religion/cult to join us as family again. Stink they live in Melbourne, but I can't have everything my own way! Afteral it's not all about me remember haha!
This year has been a bit of challenge to say the least. The last 6 months in particular, dealing with Farmer Brown's bipolar episodes etc have honestly been draining and hard to deal with. I found myself getting so annoyed and angry about things here on the farm and the lack of time that he has for our family and his little girl. If he isn't working, he is sleeping. If he isn't sleeping, he is working etc.
Again I ask myself: why does this upset me so much?
Daddy issues! When I was a little girl I was Daddy's girl. I went everywhere with him and was always with him down at the workshop. However, he never really had time for us at home. As I am the oldest I guess that I am a bit luckier as I did get to spend more time with him. He was always working either at the workshop, on the road, at our house or at our beach house building it. He felt that making things for us made up for this. He made us things like a set of swings, a seesaw, a rocking horse, a dolls cot etc. But I guess all I really wanted was: THE GIFT OF TIME.
So there it is in a nutshell. I too want Farmer Brown to give us the Gift of Time. Working hard and saving money is great but we need to see him and spend time with him too. The farm can be all consuming at the best of times. Working involves him pretty much 14 hours a day and 7 days a week.
Expensive gifts are nice but you can't beat the gift of time. I don't want our daughter growing up wishing that her Daddy had spent more time with her. I don't want Farmer Brown to have regrets later in his life about not spending time withi his little girl. She just loves it when he comes home in the morning. Calling out Daddy and waving to him through the window before he is even inside! Most days he is asleep when she goes to Day Care and so misses out on wishing her a happy day and kissing her goodbye.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want my little girl growing up without family surrounding her. I want her to "fit" somewhere. To be told by my only family (here in NZ) that they don't have time for us, cut a bit close to the quick for me. The pressure of living with a husband with bipolar and who is a Dairy Farmer should not get in the way of me providing unconditional love for my baby girl.
Think not of the expensive toys and other presents that are sometimes thought of as a must. Rather think of the GIFT OF TIME. Nothing could be more important than that. Time goes by so quickly that our time here sometimes passes us by. Don't let this happen to your family. Take some time out, pick up your kids and give them a hug and a kiss. Read them a story or if you really have to - sing them a song haha! If you don't have kids, steal someone elses - no that is not recommended. Just hug the person next to you. Do we need a reason? Just do it!
And if someone does give you gift of time, be sure to play it forward! It costs nothing and the rewards are ten fold!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
The Day Care Experience
Well Miss Holly has been going to Day Care now for almost 2 months. She just loves it. I can't believe how much she has changed since she's been going there. Her development is racing along leaps and bounds. Everyday she comes home she tells me, in her babble, all the exciting things she has done during the day.
Have had some friends ask me why she is in Day Care when I don't work. I too struggled with the same question, but I know that I have made the right decision for her. Living on a dairy farm you can sometimes feel isolated. I want her to grow up with as many friends as possible. I have seen what living on a farm has done to Farmer Brown and his brother. Let me put it this way...Farmer Brown's brother is now 44 and still lives at home with his mum and dad!
I am coming off two nights shifts at the beginning of each week so with Miss Holly being away at Day Care allows me to catch up, on my sleep. Before when she was home with me, I was only able to nap when she did so I never really had quality sleep or be able to catch up properly. Another blessing of Day Care!
I think that it is very important for little ones to socialised and I definately want this for Miss Holly. She just loves being around other people, young or old. As she started at the Day Care on the second day it was open, she will grow up with the other kids there. Making life long friends thus having mates not only now but as they move onto school etc.
The other thing that I really love about Day Care is that they do so much extra stuff with the kids that I wouldn't think about. I do plenty with Miss Holly at home but it is great that she is doing different stuff each day she is there with them. I get a real kick out of seeing all her arts and craft work up on the walls when I go into collect her.
She is more than happy to be dropped off for the three days a week that she attends. When she goes back after the weekend she calls out and waves to her little mates when she enters the centre. It's almost like she is saying "Hey bitches, I'm back!". She is such a hoot.
So I guess that even though there maybe some out there who don't like Day Care and think that Mums should look after their own kids, I don't care! I LOVE Day Care and what it represents!
Have had some friends ask me why she is in Day Care when I don't work. I too struggled with the same question, but I know that I have made the right decision for her. Living on a dairy farm you can sometimes feel isolated. I want her to grow up with as many friends as possible. I have seen what living on a farm has done to Farmer Brown and his brother. Let me put it this way...Farmer Brown's brother is now 44 and still lives at home with his mum and dad!
I am coming off two nights shifts at the beginning of each week so with Miss Holly being away at Day Care allows me to catch up, on my sleep. Before when she was home with me, I was only able to nap when she did so I never really had quality sleep or be able to catch up properly. Another blessing of Day Care!
I think that it is very important for little ones to socialised and I definately want this for Miss Holly. She just loves being around other people, young or old. As she started at the Day Care on the second day it was open, she will grow up with the other kids there. Making life long friends thus having mates not only now but as they move onto school etc.
The other thing that I really love about Day Care is that they do so much extra stuff with the kids that I wouldn't think about. I do plenty with Miss Holly at home but it is great that she is doing different stuff each day she is there with them. I get a real kick out of seeing all her arts and craft work up on the walls when I go into collect her.
She is more than happy to be dropped off for the three days a week that she attends. When she goes back after the weekend she calls out and waves to her little mates when she enters the centre. It's almost like she is saying "Hey bitches, I'm back!". She is such a hoot.
So I guess that even though there maybe some out there who don't like Day Care and think that Mums should look after their own kids, I don't care! I LOVE Day Care and what it represents!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
First Bithday Party!
After turning the big 1 on Wednesday we had her birthday party yesterday (Saturday) at our place, down on the farm!
At first I thought it was going to be a crap day in the weather department. I woke to the sound of thunder rumbling around the place, wind rushing through the trees and rain against the window! Great day for a party!! Anyway the weather gods decided to shine on our party day because as the day got further along the sun came out to play! It was a little windy at times, but kids will be kids and a little wind and rain never stopped any of them haha!
We got Miss Holly at swing set for her birthday and I spent two hours constructing the bloody thing on Thursday afternoon! It was put through its paces yesterday with all the kids having heaps of fun playing, swinging and hanging from it! I remember briefly yelling out a disclaimer just in case anyone fell off it haha. Considering we had 3 Paramedics and 3 EMT's present I don't think I had to worry too much if I needed to call for help haha!
Miss Holly had the best day. She wore her new party dress that her Nanny got her from the big ole USA! Nanny also made Miss Holly her birthday cake. She did a fantastic job of it, and everyone loved it as there was not too much left haha! Always the sign of a great cake.
It was really nice to have everyone at our place for a change. Normally we travel to the Big Smoke for family stuff. You would think that we live on another planet the way some people carry on about travelling our way! Funny as most of them mentioned that it wasn't that hard or difficult to find. We only live in Otorohanga not Timbucktoo people!
Miss Holly got great presents. Lots of toys and new clothes to wear. I think that Farmer Brown and I had just as much fun playing with them. I know that I sure had fun "helping" Miss Holly to open them. Man I wish I was 1 again!
So the next big party on the calendar is my 40th at the end of November. Now I have Miss Hollys party done and dusted it is time to put my party planning hat back on again and get the underway!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Happy First Birthday Baby Girl!!
So one whole year since Miss Holly was born. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday she was born and other times it seems like she has been with us for years.
She is such an amazing little girl, but I guess all mothers say that about their children haha! It has been a big learning experience thats for sure. I don't think we can ever be truely prepared for the arrival of a new born baby. We think we are but really if we are truely honest I think we all just make it up as we go! You soon learn that little ones don't like to be "fitted" into boxes. I am pretty flexible with Miss Holly. If she is tired she goes to bed, if she isn't she stays up. If she is hungry I feed her, if she isn't that fine too. I let her set the pace and that seems to have worked for me so far.
Anyway this morning was a big day in our house. I loved going into Hollys room this morning and singing Happy Birthday to her on her first birthday. She smiled and clapped at me. I am sure she was thinking something like "oh for goodness sake Mum you are such and idiot". But I don't care because I love her and its a mothers job to be an idiot infront of her children haha!
We waited for Farmer Brown to come in from milking so that she could open her presents. She had such fun ripping open parcels to discover what she had been given. Her Nanny, Grandad and Uncle Scott came down after breakfast to celebrate with us too. Man she is one very lucky little girl. She got spoilt rotten with so many gifts.
And just when we thought today couldn't get any better...this evening she stood on her own without holding onto anything for the first time! She is so close to walking now. Each day I try to encourage her to do it, but I know that she will do it in her own time. Would be cool if she was walking before her party but no pressure haha!
This evening we were able to have a Video Skype with Uncle Balls and Aunty Atsuko in Melbourne so that they too could share in Miss Holly's big day. A large box of goodies arrived from them yesterday. Man they spoil her too. She is a very very luck little girl. It was so great to catch up with them, even if it was for a short time. She laughed, played, clapped and smiled her way through the conversation.
We are having a big party for Miss Holly on Saturday. Family and friends coming from all over the place. We are just hoping for good weather at the moment as it looks like it might be raining and that would not be good. Either way we will have an amazing day.
After a big day of lots of fun and excitement Miss Holly went off to bed without a beep.
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| Holly born 09 October 2012, 3 hours old |
Anyway this morning was a big day in our house. I loved going into Hollys room this morning and singing Happy Birthday to her on her first birthday. She smiled and clapped at me. I am sure she was thinking something like "oh for goodness sake Mum you are such and idiot". But I don't care because I love her and its a mothers job to be an idiot infront of her children haha!
We waited for Farmer Brown to come in from milking so that she could open her presents. She had such fun ripping open parcels to discover what she had been given. Her Nanny, Grandad and Uncle Scott came down after breakfast to celebrate with us too. Man she is one very lucky little girl. She got spoilt rotten with so many gifts.
And just when we thought today couldn't get any better...this evening she stood on her own without holding onto anything for the first time! She is so close to walking now. Each day I try to encourage her to do it, but I know that she will do it in her own time. Would be cool if she was walking before her party but no pressure haha!
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| Holly on her First Birthday! My big baby girl. |
We are having a big party for Miss Holly on Saturday. Family and friends coming from all over the place. We are just hoping for good weather at the moment as it looks like it might be raining and that would not be good. Either way we will have an amazing day.
After a big day of lots of fun and excitement Miss Holly went off to bed without a beep.
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Joys of Living with Someone Who has Bi Polar
So today is one of those days where I just wish I could shut the door and tell everyone to Feek Off and leave me the hell alone.
I don't often speak out about Farmer Brown having Bi Polar. However of late you may have noticed that things have been amping up again. I have found in the past that when I have things going around and around in my head the best way to deal with them is to write them down and then things seem to settle down a bit for me.
First of all I want to stress how much I do love Farmer Brown. He told me about his Bi Polar on our second date. I knew what I was taking on when I met him. Lord know I have dark demons in my past too and he was happy for take me on warts and all too. Love you Farmer Brown. I want to help him so much. I am trying to be careful of not overloading him with information. I don't want to push him over the edge. But if he wants change then he needs to take the action.
He will be attending the 3rd counselling session on Wednesday this week. I ask him how things are going and says "fine". I understand if he doesn't want to tell me but I do want him to know that I am interested in what he is doing. He told me he has homework to do each week. He has been asked to write in a notebook each day 3 things that he has achieved. Last week he came home and said this week he has to come up with 3 long term goals. I asked him if he thinks the counselling is helping and he said he thinks so.
We have just finished the 2nd weekend of weekends off. It was our turn to milk while Farmer Brown's brother had the weekend off. I milk Fri/Sat/Sun afternoons and we have a relief milker Sat/Sun mornings. Farmer Brown has to get up earlier than usual as he has to get the cows out of the paddock, get fences sorted and put some feed out in the feed pad before the relief milker turns up at 5am. Like I said this is only the 2nd weekend of doing this and already he is struggling with the tiredness.
I just don't know the answer anymore. We talk about solutions to the problems that he faces and he agrees with what we talk about but he never seems to want to act on any of them. I know this is hard for him to do as it would mean that there would possibly be some massive changes for him to make. But unfortunately change does have to happen sometimes inorder for things to get better. I guess you really need to ask how much you really want to get out of the situation you find yourself in.
We talk about leaving the farm and getting new jobs in town. This would mean that we would loose the house we currently live in as it would go to the farm worker who would take his place. He gets all excited about looking at buying a house. Checking out what we can afford to buy and how we would pay for it. We look through the papers, do drive buys etc but we never get to the Open Homes or anything further than that. Then the conversation turns back around to comments like "its's just too hard" or "how am I going to find another job at my age" or "how can we afford to buy a house and live away from the farm" etc.
I have been trying to get him to come up with solutions. To be quite honest I am sick of having to make all the decisions around here. I will ask a question like this: "So what do you feel like for dinner? I am happy to cook anything you want". Reply: "Oh just whatever you want". My reply: "Cool peanut butter on toast it is then". That normally envokes a reaction of some sort.
Anyway while we were milking yesterday I came up with a plan. Well my latest plan for our family anyway. A plan that would mean that we wouldn't have to leave the farm or by a house. I suggested that I take over the farm work. I did work for a year on the farm as a labourer so I know how to do most things that Farmer Brown does. Anything I don't know I am sure that I can be taught and shown what to do. Then he could get a job down town. Maybe at RD1 or PPG Wrightsons or with the Vet or the Supermarket or the Petrol Station, his imagination is his limitation. All he has to do is look.
This would mean that he could get away from here, which seems to some of the problem. He would be able to work shorter hours and maybe not even work on the weekends. If we were on 2 incomes then we would be able to put Holly into daycare fulltime, so that is her sorted out. Farmer Brown's family can step in and help out too as far as I am concerned. It would mean that I may have to give up or take a leave of absence from the Ambulance work. I am willing to do this for the sake of my family. Family is about sacrifice, I can deal with that.
So we will wait and see what comes of this latest plan. I have sown the seed. He is the one who doesn't like the way things are so now it is up to him to help himself. So far all I have heard today is how tired he is, how Grandad (his father) is moaning and complaing about things that need to be done on the farm. Bla bla bla same shit different day!
Hence my first comment of: Feek off everyone and leave me the hell alone!
There is other stuff going on at the moment, but am saving that for another post!
I don't often speak out about Farmer Brown having Bi Polar. However of late you may have noticed that things have been amping up again. I have found in the past that when I have things going around and around in my head the best way to deal with them is to write them down and then things seem to settle down a bit for me.
First of all I want to stress how much I do love Farmer Brown. He told me about his Bi Polar on our second date. I knew what I was taking on when I met him. Lord know I have dark demons in my past too and he was happy for take me on warts and all too. Love you Farmer Brown. I want to help him so much. I am trying to be careful of not overloading him with information. I don't want to push him over the edge. But if he wants change then he needs to take the action.
He will be attending the 3rd counselling session on Wednesday this week. I ask him how things are going and says "fine". I understand if he doesn't want to tell me but I do want him to know that I am interested in what he is doing. He told me he has homework to do each week. He has been asked to write in a notebook each day 3 things that he has achieved. Last week he came home and said this week he has to come up with 3 long term goals. I asked him if he thinks the counselling is helping and he said he thinks so.
We have just finished the 2nd weekend of weekends off. It was our turn to milk while Farmer Brown's brother had the weekend off. I milk Fri/Sat/Sun afternoons and we have a relief milker Sat/Sun mornings. Farmer Brown has to get up earlier than usual as he has to get the cows out of the paddock, get fences sorted and put some feed out in the feed pad before the relief milker turns up at 5am. Like I said this is only the 2nd weekend of doing this and already he is struggling with the tiredness.
I just don't know the answer anymore. We talk about solutions to the problems that he faces and he agrees with what we talk about but he never seems to want to act on any of them. I know this is hard for him to do as it would mean that there would possibly be some massive changes for him to make. But unfortunately change does have to happen sometimes inorder for things to get better. I guess you really need to ask how much you really want to get out of the situation you find yourself in.
We talk about leaving the farm and getting new jobs in town. This would mean that we would loose the house we currently live in as it would go to the farm worker who would take his place. He gets all excited about looking at buying a house. Checking out what we can afford to buy and how we would pay for it. We look through the papers, do drive buys etc but we never get to the Open Homes or anything further than that. Then the conversation turns back around to comments like "its's just too hard" or "how am I going to find another job at my age" or "how can we afford to buy a house and live away from the farm" etc.
I have been trying to get him to come up with solutions. To be quite honest I am sick of having to make all the decisions around here. I will ask a question like this: "So what do you feel like for dinner? I am happy to cook anything you want". Reply: "Oh just whatever you want". My reply: "Cool peanut butter on toast it is then". That normally envokes a reaction of some sort.
Anyway while we were milking yesterday I came up with a plan. Well my latest plan for our family anyway. A plan that would mean that we wouldn't have to leave the farm or by a house. I suggested that I take over the farm work. I did work for a year on the farm as a labourer so I know how to do most things that Farmer Brown does. Anything I don't know I am sure that I can be taught and shown what to do. Then he could get a job down town. Maybe at RD1 or PPG Wrightsons or with the Vet or the Supermarket or the Petrol Station, his imagination is his limitation. All he has to do is look.
This would mean that he could get away from here, which seems to some of the problem. He would be able to work shorter hours and maybe not even work on the weekends. If we were on 2 incomes then we would be able to put Holly into daycare fulltime, so that is her sorted out. Farmer Brown's family can step in and help out too as far as I am concerned. It would mean that I may have to give up or take a leave of absence from the Ambulance work. I am willing to do this for the sake of my family. Family is about sacrifice, I can deal with that.
So we will wait and see what comes of this latest plan. I have sown the seed. He is the one who doesn't like the way things are so now it is up to him to help himself. So far all I have heard today is how tired he is, how Grandad (his father) is moaning and complaing about things that need to be done on the farm. Bla bla bla same shit different day!
Hence my first comment of: Feek off everyone and leave me the hell alone!
There is other stuff going on at the moment, but am saving that for another post!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The First Counselling Session...
So a follow up from the last post...
Farmer Brown and I went to the Big Smoke yesterday and we had a big chat on way through. I really don't think he gets where I am coming from with our current situation. He is only seeing it from how it has been effecting him.
For example he has now on at least 3 occasions mentioned that Baby Girl is "just another spanner in the works" for him. I see it as "another challenge" for us to in our new family. I don't like that he feels like this and has started to verbalise it as so. I am actually really offended to be honest. He sees his daughter as a "spanner in the works"?! Its not like he is looking after 7 days a week. He just carries on his day to day routine like nothing has changed since we had her. I would really like to see him do a week in my shoes!
He had his first appointment with the Counsellor this morning. He came in a reasonable mood from his appointment. He has been given homework to do each day. He has to write down in a notebook 3 things that he has achieved during the day. He said that she didn't give him any guidelines or suggestions on what sort of this he is to achieve. Will be interesting to see what he writes down.
I asked what they had talked about. He said he went over his story from woe to go. Talked about how his Dad winds him up as does the farm. That his daughter was another spanner in the works to deal with. That I get stressed having to look after her 7 days a week, that she is going into daycare soon.
You know its really funny as most of the things that she has suggested he do are things that I have suggested to him in the past. He has never taken any of it onboard. Hopefully now because it has come from a professional he will take it on board.
I find myself now fighting my own old demons from a past long ago. I feel quite overwhelmed some days. I feel like I am failing as a mother and a wife as my husband thinks that our daughter is a spanner in the works, that I don't have dinner cooked and served to him every night, that I don't look after our daughter well enough so that he isn't so stressed all the time etc.
I know in my mind that these things are not true and that I am doing the best that I can under the circumstances. I have fought hard to get my life on track and I am not going to let this get me down. I am doing the best I can to look after my unwell husband, look after, educate and bring up our little girl on my own and continue to do the things that I enjoy like my Volunteer Ambulance work.
I draw strength from those around me who are great influences. You know who you are my people!
Farmer Brown and I went to the Big Smoke yesterday and we had a big chat on way through. I really don't think he gets where I am coming from with our current situation. He is only seeing it from how it has been effecting him.
For example he has now on at least 3 occasions mentioned that Baby Girl is "just another spanner in the works" for him. I see it as "another challenge" for us to in our new family. I don't like that he feels like this and has started to verbalise it as so. I am actually really offended to be honest. He sees his daughter as a "spanner in the works"?! Its not like he is looking after 7 days a week. He just carries on his day to day routine like nothing has changed since we had her. I would really like to see him do a week in my shoes!
He had his first appointment with the Counsellor this morning. He came in a reasonable mood from his appointment. He has been given homework to do each day. He has to write down in a notebook 3 things that he has achieved during the day. He said that she didn't give him any guidelines or suggestions on what sort of this he is to achieve. Will be interesting to see what he writes down.
I asked what they had talked about. He said he went over his story from woe to go. Talked about how his Dad winds him up as does the farm. That his daughter was another spanner in the works to deal with. That I get stressed having to look after her 7 days a week, that she is going into daycare soon.
You know its really funny as most of the things that she has suggested he do are things that I have suggested to him in the past. He has never taken any of it onboard. Hopefully now because it has come from a professional he will take it on board.
I find myself now fighting my own old demons from a past long ago. I feel quite overwhelmed some days. I feel like I am failing as a mother and a wife as my husband thinks that our daughter is a spanner in the works, that I don't have dinner cooked and served to him every night, that I don't look after our daughter well enough so that he isn't so stressed all the time etc.
I know in my mind that these things are not true and that I am doing the best that I can under the circumstances. I have fought hard to get my life on track and I am not going to let this get me down. I am doing the best I can to look after my unwell husband, look after, educate and bring up our little girl on my own and continue to do the things that I enjoy like my Volunteer Ambulance work.
I draw strength from those around me who are great influences. You know who you are my people!
Monday, September 23, 2013
So my husband says to me "I want to kill myself!"...
Well what that hell was I supposed to do with that piece of information! This would be the third time in about six months that he has said this to me.
Now my husband does have Bi Polar and is on good medication that generally works really well for him. He has an injection of medication once a month that is slow releasing. Sometimes I notice that his mood seems to dip in that last week of the month but its normally no biggy as he is due for his next injection in a day or so and life returns to normal. He seems to go through these boughts of deep depression every 2-3 months.
We live and work on his parents dairy farm. Farming is a very demanding job as you work 7 days a week and up to 14 hours a day. Now during calving season (which we have just finished) we have no time off for 2 months until calving is almost done and dusted. So as you can imagine it can be rather stressful for all of us.
When these periods of deep depression come around I am normally able to build him up and help him cope and see a way out of the current situation. We have even talked about leaving the farm and getting work in town.
We of course had our first child last year. She will be 1 year old next month. Now this is just another set of challenges to have to deal with. I am a stay at home mum with our little one, but she will be going to day care around her birthday next month. I know that this has caused stress to both of us at times as having a first child does. I mean to say then don't come with an instruction manual! I of course have taken the lead in looking after our baby girl. I work hard at trying to make sure that life carries on as normal for Farmer Brown and that he has opportunity to sleep during the day when he comes in for his breaks, make sure that he has meals when he is hungry and that he has a good nights sleep.
Unfortunately this time I had had enough. I have been pretty much coping on my own, with help from 1 or 2 close friends. It feels like I am bringing up 2 children. My baby girl and my Farmer Brown.
I was really angry when he told me he wanted to kill himself. Especially when the night before he had been looking after our little girl while was on night shift (I am a Volunteer Ambulance Officer). Immediately my concern was for the safety of our little girl. Could I trust him to look after her? Would he do anything to hurt her? Would I have to give up my volunteer work?
Don't worry I did check to make sure he was safe too! But my baby girl comes first now. She is little and can't defend or look after herself, she needs me to be that for her. Over the next couple of days his mood was crap. He said he had been up to "talk" to his Mum about things. I asked if he had told her that he wanted to kill himself and he said sort of. What the hell? You either do or don't. There is no middle ground on this.
I decided to take matters into my own hands again. I rang my GP and made an appointment to seek advice on what to do with Farmer Brown. I went up to see my mother inlaw and put her in the picture. She didn't know that he wanted to kill himself. All he had said to her (he was picking up baby girl from his Mums as I was on night shift) was that he was tired and that there was no dinner ready for him when he came in from milking! FUCK ME! I am sorry to say but at that moment I wanted to kill him myself! My mother inlaw is fantastic, don't get me wrong. She does however have a strong grip on the apron strings with her boys. Let me put it this way...her 44 year old other son is still living at home! I told her what was really going on and she was to put it mildly - shocked. She had no idea what had been going on for the past 6 months or so.
My GP was fantastic and suggested that Farmer Brown make an appointment with her as she has training in psycology and that she should be able to get him some extra help. We had an appointment for the next day, which I attended also. She was brilliant. He felt that she listened to him and gave him suggestions that he thought would be great. She referred him back to Community Mental Health and also gave him 6 free sessions at our local Counselling Centre down town.
This appointment happened to fall on our first weekend off in 2 months, which was great timing. He had a great weekend, shopping, eating out, watching dvds and even some time to himself for a bit. Things have been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, but man it has taken its toll on me thats for sure.
The appointment with Mental Health was today. I was supposed to go with him, but baby girl had other plans and so I had to stay home with her and he went on his own. This of course wouldn't do him any harm. Didn't help that I was having a bad day of my own and was in a grumpy mood.
The appointment sort of back fired on me. The lovely people at Mental Health said it would be great for him to have more time to himself when he gets in those deep depressive periods. For fucks sake, I look after baby girl enough on my own without him needing to have more time on his own! What about me? Don't mean to be selfish and make it all about me but really people WTF? They told him that every job has its ups and downs and that he needs to learn ways to cope with it when it happens. Of course this is just he version of the appointment so I don't know how accurate all of this new information is. He has his first counselling session on Wednesday. Will be interesting to see what they have to say.
I am just over it. Everyone is making sure that he is okay and looked after. I however just continue to struggle on by myself. Like I said I have a fantastic friend who is about the only one who has been keeping an eye on me and baby girl and making sure that we are doing okay.
I really want him to take some action and sort some of this shit out. We have come up with strategies before but he never carries them out. Mother inlaw always manages to turn him back to staying on the farm with a little bit of emotional blackmail to nail the point home. I don't think he realised how lucky he is or how sweet he has it. Since we had baby it seems like his life had just carried on like before we had her and mine has changed dramatically.
I know we will be sweet in the end. I want him to own his problems and try to do something about about it instead of hiding behind others and making rash statements like him wanting to kill himself. This is so stressfull to deal with. I see people at the wrong end of statements like that in my Ambulance work. Quite frankly I don't want to come home to find a dead body! I don't think he would do it, but how do you really know?! He tells me that he won't kill himself, but do I believe him? Like I said it is not the first time but the third time he has said that to me.
Will keep chugging along and doing what I do. I will be interested to see how the appointment with the counsellor goes on Wednesday :)
Now my husband does have Bi Polar and is on good medication that generally works really well for him. He has an injection of medication once a month that is slow releasing. Sometimes I notice that his mood seems to dip in that last week of the month but its normally no biggy as he is due for his next injection in a day or so and life returns to normal. He seems to go through these boughts of deep depression every 2-3 months.
We live and work on his parents dairy farm. Farming is a very demanding job as you work 7 days a week and up to 14 hours a day. Now during calving season (which we have just finished) we have no time off for 2 months until calving is almost done and dusted. So as you can imagine it can be rather stressful for all of us.
When these periods of deep depression come around I am normally able to build him up and help him cope and see a way out of the current situation. We have even talked about leaving the farm and getting work in town.
We of course had our first child last year. She will be 1 year old next month. Now this is just another set of challenges to have to deal with. I am a stay at home mum with our little one, but she will be going to day care around her birthday next month. I know that this has caused stress to both of us at times as having a first child does. I mean to say then don't come with an instruction manual! I of course have taken the lead in looking after our baby girl. I work hard at trying to make sure that life carries on as normal for Farmer Brown and that he has opportunity to sleep during the day when he comes in for his breaks, make sure that he has meals when he is hungry and that he has a good nights sleep.
Unfortunately this time I had had enough. I have been pretty much coping on my own, with help from 1 or 2 close friends. It feels like I am bringing up 2 children. My baby girl and my Farmer Brown.
I was really angry when he told me he wanted to kill himself. Especially when the night before he had been looking after our little girl while was on night shift (I am a Volunteer Ambulance Officer). Immediately my concern was for the safety of our little girl. Could I trust him to look after her? Would he do anything to hurt her? Would I have to give up my volunteer work?
Don't worry I did check to make sure he was safe too! But my baby girl comes first now. She is little and can't defend or look after herself, she needs me to be that for her. Over the next couple of days his mood was crap. He said he had been up to "talk" to his Mum about things. I asked if he had told her that he wanted to kill himself and he said sort of. What the hell? You either do or don't. There is no middle ground on this.
I decided to take matters into my own hands again. I rang my GP and made an appointment to seek advice on what to do with Farmer Brown. I went up to see my mother inlaw and put her in the picture. She didn't know that he wanted to kill himself. All he had said to her (he was picking up baby girl from his Mums as I was on night shift) was that he was tired and that there was no dinner ready for him when he came in from milking! FUCK ME! I am sorry to say but at that moment I wanted to kill him myself! My mother inlaw is fantastic, don't get me wrong. She does however have a strong grip on the apron strings with her boys. Let me put it this way...her 44 year old other son is still living at home! I told her what was really going on and she was to put it mildly - shocked. She had no idea what had been going on for the past 6 months or so.
My GP was fantastic and suggested that Farmer Brown make an appointment with her as she has training in psycology and that she should be able to get him some extra help. We had an appointment for the next day, which I attended also. She was brilliant. He felt that she listened to him and gave him suggestions that he thought would be great. She referred him back to Community Mental Health and also gave him 6 free sessions at our local Counselling Centre down town.
This appointment happened to fall on our first weekend off in 2 months, which was great timing. He had a great weekend, shopping, eating out, watching dvds and even some time to himself for a bit. Things have been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, but man it has taken its toll on me thats for sure.
The appointment with Mental Health was today. I was supposed to go with him, but baby girl had other plans and so I had to stay home with her and he went on his own. This of course wouldn't do him any harm. Didn't help that I was having a bad day of my own and was in a grumpy mood.
The appointment sort of back fired on me. The lovely people at Mental Health said it would be great for him to have more time to himself when he gets in those deep depressive periods. For fucks sake, I look after baby girl enough on my own without him needing to have more time on his own! What about me? Don't mean to be selfish and make it all about me but really people WTF? They told him that every job has its ups and downs and that he needs to learn ways to cope with it when it happens. Of course this is just he version of the appointment so I don't know how accurate all of this new information is. He has his first counselling session on Wednesday. Will be interesting to see what they have to say.
I am just over it. Everyone is making sure that he is okay and looked after. I however just continue to struggle on by myself. Like I said I have a fantastic friend who is about the only one who has been keeping an eye on me and baby girl and making sure that we are doing okay.
I really want him to take some action and sort some of this shit out. We have come up with strategies before but he never carries them out. Mother inlaw always manages to turn him back to staying on the farm with a little bit of emotional blackmail to nail the point home. I don't think he realised how lucky he is or how sweet he has it. Since we had baby it seems like his life had just carried on like before we had her and mine has changed dramatically.
I know we will be sweet in the end. I want him to own his problems and try to do something about about it instead of hiding behind others and making rash statements like him wanting to kill himself. This is so stressfull to deal with. I see people at the wrong end of statements like that in my Ambulance work. Quite frankly I don't want to come home to find a dead body! I don't think he would do it, but how do you really know?! He tells me that he won't kill himself, but do I believe him? Like I said it is not the first time but the third time he has said that to me.
Will keep chugging along and doing what I do. I will be interested to see how the appointment with the counsellor goes on Wednesday :)
Friday, August 16, 2013
So many new changes
So I just can not believe how much Miss Holly is changing at the moment. She is now 10 months old and rocking this world!
She is now crawling and loving getting around faster. It was so much fun watching her take her first tentative creepy crawly paces. She motors around the place now and am sure that it will not be long before she is up on her two little legs testing them out too!
Not to be content with being an amazing little person who now is crawling within the 5 days she was already starting to pull herself up on things! I remember the first time I walked into her room to get her out of bed and there she was looking at me over the top of the rail on her cot! She even waved at me as if to "oh hi Mum, check me out. I am just hanging out in here waiting for you to come get me!". She is such a hoot - I love that little critter!
Today we had an action packed day. Firstly an ambulance friend and her little boy came down to the farm to check out our calves. They had such a great time and we really enjoyed having them here. It was a bit of a windy day, but we enjoyed the walk from our house down to the calf sheds.
Once they had departed we were off to Hamilton to catch up with a friend that I have not seen for 15 years! I know, I did say 15 years! My friend, her husband and her fabulously adorable 3 kids are over here for a flying from the USA. I was so grateful that they were able to fit us into their busy schedule. It may have been 15 years since we last saw each other, but you would think that it was only a couple of days by the way the conversation flowed so easily. Her kids loves Holly and it was great to watch them all play and laugh together.
Everyday we look forward to the "new trick" that Holly will show us. She is a bundle of energy and loving her little life to the max. Have been watching her this evening trying to get her feet underneath her so that she can pull herself up to standing. In the mean time I am content to see her kneeling up against things! She has had a couple of falls, but that is to be expected. She will learn not to be so cocky and to slow down a little bit haha!
We look forward to what ever it is that she is going to share with us next!
She is now crawling and loving getting around faster. It was so much fun watching her take her first tentative creepy crawly paces. She motors around the place now and am sure that it will not be long before she is up on her two little legs testing them out too!
Not to be content with being an amazing little person who now is crawling within the 5 days she was already starting to pull herself up on things! I remember the first time I walked into her room to get her out of bed and there she was looking at me over the top of the rail on her cot! She even waved at me as if to "oh hi Mum, check me out. I am just hanging out in here waiting for you to come get me!". She is such a hoot - I love that little critter!
Today we had an action packed day. Firstly an ambulance friend and her little boy came down to the farm to check out our calves. They had such a great time and we really enjoyed having them here. It was a bit of a windy day, but we enjoyed the walk from our house down to the calf sheds.
Once they had departed we were off to Hamilton to catch up with a friend that I have not seen for 15 years! I know, I did say 15 years! My friend, her husband and her fabulously adorable 3 kids are over here for a flying from the USA. I was so grateful that they were able to fit us into their busy schedule. It may have been 15 years since we last saw each other, but you would think that it was only a couple of days by the way the conversation flowed so easily. Her kids loves Holly and it was great to watch them all play and laugh together.
Everyday we look forward to the "new trick" that Holly will show us. She is a bundle of energy and loving her little life to the max. Have been watching her this evening trying to get her feet underneath her so that she can pull herself up to standing. In the mean time I am content to see her kneeling up against things! She has had a couple of falls, but that is to be expected. She will learn not to be so cocky and to slow down a little bit haha!
We look forward to what ever it is that she is going to share with us next!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Thank You from our Visitors
Last weekend I had a girlfriend and her partners kids come to visit. They were on their school holidays so I thought it would be a great way to fill in an afternoon if they came to look at our little calves. They live in town and don't have that opportunity there.
So after a foggy start to the day, the afternoon greeted us with lots of sunshine. We decided that we would walk down to the shed. Holly was packed into her stroller and my two eager helpers pushed her for me.
We they had an absolute ball down there. I got a bottle of milk so we could hand feed the little calves. There were lots of giggles and squeals of delight from the kids. Even Holly decided that she liked being down there too!
The kids climbed up and over the low fences to the calf pens. Took turns at feeding the babies and basically had an amazing time and loads of fun in the process. They were even happy to let the calves suck their fingers. Holly stuck her hand out and one of the calves nearly sucked in her whole arm haha! She thought it was really funny.
The time went by so fast and soon it was time for our visitors to leave.
The next time I say my friend, she came bearing gifts from the kids. They had made us Thank You cards, after the wonderful time they had on their visit. The cards are so cute and I was really touched by their kind thoughts and funny words.
It is amazing how much the small things in life can make the sun shine in a day!
So after a foggy start to the day, the afternoon greeted us with lots of sunshine. We decided that we would walk down to the shed. Holly was packed into her stroller and my two eager helpers pushed her for me.
We they had an absolute ball down there. I got a bottle of milk so we could hand feed the little calves. There were lots of giggles and squeals of delight from the kids. Even Holly decided that she liked being down there too!
The kids climbed up and over the low fences to the calf pens. Took turns at feeding the babies and basically had an amazing time and loads of fun in the process. They were even happy to let the calves suck their fingers. Holly stuck her hand out and one of the calves nearly sucked in her whole arm haha! She thought it was really funny.
The time went by so fast and soon it was time for our visitors to leave.
The next time I say my friend, she came bearing gifts from the kids. They had made us Thank You cards, after the wonderful time they had on their visit. The cards are so cute and I was really touched by their kind thoughts and funny words.
It is amazing how much the small things in life can make the sun shine in a day!
Mum Mum Mum Mum...
Wow what a joyous song to be woken with the other morning. Miss Holly for the first time saying "Mum mum mum" from her cot! I can't really explain how amazing it feels to hear your little one say your "name" for the first time. She has been saying "Dad dad dad" for a while now. Experts say this is an easier sound for little ones to make...still a special thing for Dads to hear I am sure! To watch her work her little mouth into forming the words is such a treat and everytime she does it, it makes my heart warm in a place I never knew I had. She is so precious! Love you baby girl.
She is changing so quickly again at the moment. We had the 9 month Plunket visit last week. She had a glowing report of course, but then again I am totally biast! She now weighs 8.78kgs which is almost double her birth weight now. The Plunket Nurse tells me she has great "covering". Thats the new politically correct word for baby fat haha! Oh please, just say it like it is for goodness sake!
Funny the questions they ask at these appointments, and some are about things that I definately would never think about. Like: Would you say that Holly has olive coloured skin? Hmm have never really given it much thought to be honest. I have noticed that she isn't as pasty white as some of the little ones I know. Both Farmer Brown and I have olive skin, so I guess we could say that she does too. I was then asked how often I fed her pumpkin and carrots. To which I replied she has a little of both most nights but not every night. Why? The Plunket Nurse said that sometimes when little ones eat too much carrot or pumpkin their skin can take on an orange tint! But she agreed with me, that Hollys skin is an olive colour, just like her mum and dad. I also commented that her skin has always been that colour, even before she started on solids. Interesting conversation to say the least. Like I said, things I had never even thought about!
Miss Holly is well on the way to starting to crawl. She can take a few steps across the floor and then falls over. She is so funny to watch. The determination that she has is amazing. Watching her think things through and how she can get them done NOW! Funny! I guess it will soon that I was wishing that she would just stay in one place like she used to. Oh well we can't stop progress thats for sure!
She came out with us on the motorbike on the weekend. It was a beautiful sunny day and none of the cold winds that we have been having. We went and helped Farmer Troy bring home the cows and calves for that day. She was so funny sitting on the back of the bike with me, waving her little hands at the cows!
That night we went up to the Big House to watch the rugby with them. Holly spent most of the night on Grandads knee entertaining him. All of a sudden at the right time in the game, she threw her hands up in the air,waving them above her head, shreaking her head off and clapping her hands at the TV. Was so funny. Impecible timing my baby girl has! She continued to do this throughout the rest of the game, to the amusement of all of us!
Today we purchased a swing set for her, but we are keeping it for her 1st birthday as a present for her. However we did also get another little swing seat that we have attached to the pergola on the deck for her. She had her first go in it this afternoon and really loved it! Squealed her head off as usual. She is going to a high flyer when she is older thats for sure!
Let the fun and games begin...
She is changing so quickly again at the moment. We had the 9 month Plunket visit last week. She had a glowing report of course, but then again I am totally biast! She now weighs 8.78kgs which is almost double her birth weight now. The Plunket Nurse tells me she has great "covering". Thats the new politically correct word for baby fat haha! Oh please, just say it like it is for goodness sake!
Funny the questions they ask at these appointments, and some are about things that I definately would never think about. Like: Would you say that Holly has olive coloured skin? Hmm have never really given it much thought to be honest. I have noticed that she isn't as pasty white as some of the little ones I know. Both Farmer Brown and I have olive skin, so I guess we could say that she does too. I was then asked how often I fed her pumpkin and carrots. To which I replied she has a little of both most nights but not every night. Why? The Plunket Nurse said that sometimes when little ones eat too much carrot or pumpkin their skin can take on an orange tint! But she agreed with me, that Hollys skin is an olive colour, just like her mum and dad. I also commented that her skin has always been that colour, even before she started on solids. Interesting conversation to say the least. Like I said, things I had never even thought about!
Miss Holly is well on the way to starting to crawl. She can take a few steps across the floor and then falls over. She is so funny to watch. The determination that she has is amazing. Watching her think things through and how she can get them done NOW! Funny! I guess it will soon that I was wishing that she would just stay in one place like she used to. Oh well we can't stop progress thats for sure!
She came out with us on the motorbike on the weekend. It was a beautiful sunny day and none of the cold winds that we have been having. We went and helped Farmer Troy bring home the cows and calves for that day. She was so funny sitting on the back of the bike with me, waving her little hands at the cows!
That night we went up to the Big House to watch the rugby with them. Holly spent most of the night on Grandads knee entertaining him. All of a sudden at the right time in the game, she threw her hands up in the air,waving them above her head, shreaking her head off and clapping her hands at the TV. Was so funny. Impecible timing my baby girl has! She continued to do this throughout the rest of the game, to the amusement of all of us!
Today we purchased a swing set for her, but we are keeping it for her 1st birthday as a present for her. However we did also get another little swing seat that we have attached to the pergola on the deck for her. She had her first go in it this afternoon and really loved it! Squealed her head off as usual. She is going to a high flyer when she is older thats for sure!
Let the fun and games begin...
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Sick for the first time!
So our little Miss Holly is having her first real bought of sickness. She had a high temperature on Monday that I was managing to control with Pamol. By the afternoon it was back up again. With that and the fact that she was not her normal happy self I decided to take her to the Doctor.
Unfortunately sometimes knowing or having a little bit of medical knowledge can be a real pain in the bum. I have never wanted to be one of those nurotic mothers that I read about or have had to deal with when on ambulance duty. I had been keeping an eye on her resp rate, temperature and heart rate throughout the day. I wasn't overly concerned but she was just not her happy little self. Very clingy and didn't want to be put down or leave my side most of the day. She had even fallen asleep on me a couple of times during the day which is very unusual for her to do these days.
I decided that I had better take her to the Doctor just incase there was something that I was missing. She didn't have a rash or red ears. She had a slight dry cough and her lungs sounded clear on ascultation. Didn't really want to risk anything dramatic happening during the night so off we went to the Doctors.
I must say that I was a little disappointed with the examination that Doctor gave Holly. Now I am but a humble Emergency Medical Technician and certainly no Doctor, but don't you actually have to look at your patient inorder to assess them? The Doctor listened to her chest and took her temperature all be in incorrectly. She didn't even look over Holly's body at all. She did ask me is she had any rashes, to which I answered "no" but I still think she could/should have looked.
Anyway we were sent home with the comment of "she will be fine, give her Pamol for the temperature and keep up her fluids".
I stayed home from Ambulance Duty Monday and Tuesday nights to look after Little Miss. Her temperature was back to normal the next day and she was back to her usual happy self.
Yesterday (Wednesday) when I got her up and changed her in the morning I noticed that she had some very small spots on her face and torso. They were just like little red dots. No puss or ooze coming from them. Hmm I thought to myself...wonder what this could be. She still had no temp and everything else seemed to be "normal" for her. Decided that I would just keep an eye on her for the day and see what she was like the following day.
She woke this morning with the same number of spots and no change to the spots. Again no temp or change that concerned me. However I know that spots are not good so off to the Doctors we went again.
I think the Doctor was quite surprised to see us again after only a couple of days. This time, funny enough, we got the works in the examination department! Clothes off, thorough look over of her little body. Ears checked, temperature taken, lungs listened to etc. Much better I thought to myself.
Doctor seems to think that it is a mild case of Chicken Pox. She hasn't been around anyone who has been sick. She isn't in daycare so it couldn't have come from there. She was with her little mate on the weekend and he does go to daycare...so maybe it was him? Who knows. Nothing can be done anyway as it is a virus and will run its course.
As am Ambulance EMT it is hard not to over react with little kids. They can compensate for such a long time and then they can crash hard and fast. This is fresh in my mind after a case a few weeks ago when we went to a cardiac arrest of a 4 month old who died. Really drove home to me how quickly these little buggers can deteriorate quickly. Thats why I decided that I would take her to the Doctors now. I would rather go and it be nothing, rather than reacting too late and it becoming very serious. Afterall it is free so why not take advantage of that if not anything else!
Unfortunately sometimes knowing or having a little bit of medical knowledge can be a real pain in the bum. I have never wanted to be one of those nurotic mothers that I read about or have had to deal with when on ambulance duty. I had been keeping an eye on her resp rate, temperature and heart rate throughout the day. I wasn't overly concerned but she was just not her happy little self. Very clingy and didn't want to be put down or leave my side most of the day. She had even fallen asleep on me a couple of times during the day which is very unusual for her to do these days.
I decided that I had better take her to the Doctor just incase there was something that I was missing. She didn't have a rash or red ears. She had a slight dry cough and her lungs sounded clear on ascultation. Didn't really want to risk anything dramatic happening during the night so off we went to the Doctors.
I must say that I was a little disappointed with the examination that Doctor gave Holly. Now I am but a humble Emergency Medical Technician and certainly no Doctor, but don't you actually have to look at your patient inorder to assess them? The Doctor listened to her chest and took her temperature all be in incorrectly. She didn't even look over Holly's body at all. She did ask me is she had any rashes, to which I answered "no" but I still think she could/should have looked.
Anyway we were sent home with the comment of "she will be fine, give her Pamol for the temperature and keep up her fluids".
I stayed home from Ambulance Duty Monday and Tuesday nights to look after Little Miss. Her temperature was back to normal the next day and she was back to her usual happy self.
Yesterday (Wednesday) when I got her up and changed her in the morning I noticed that she had some very small spots on her face and torso. They were just like little red dots. No puss or ooze coming from them. Hmm I thought to myself...wonder what this could be. She still had no temp and everything else seemed to be "normal" for her. Decided that I would just keep an eye on her for the day and see what she was like the following day.
She woke this morning with the same number of spots and no change to the spots. Again no temp or change that concerned me. However I know that spots are not good so off to the Doctors we went again.
I think the Doctor was quite surprised to see us again after only a couple of days. This time, funny enough, we got the works in the examination department! Clothes off, thorough look over of her little body. Ears checked, temperature taken, lungs listened to etc. Much better I thought to myself.
Doctor seems to think that it is a mild case of Chicken Pox. She hasn't been around anyone who has been sick. She isn't in daycare so it couldn't have come from there. She was with her little mate on the weekend and he does go to daycare...so maybe it was him? Who knows. Nothing can be done anyway as it is a virus and will run its course.
As am Ambulance EMT it is hard not to over react with little kids. They can compensate for such a long time and then they can crash hard and fast. This is fresh in my mind after a case a few weeks ago when we went to a cardiac arrest of a 4 month old who died. Really drove home to me how quickly these little buggers can deteriorate quickly. Thats why I decided that I would take her to the Doctors now. I would rather go and it be nothing, rather than reacting too late and it becoming very serious. Afterall it is free so why not take advantage of that if not anything else!
Friday, July 12, 2013
And so the madness begins...
So we had our first calf for the season born on Wednesday 10th July. A couple of days early but otherwise not unexpected! Farmer Brown came in from work that night to say that the first little had been born. Now we have six new babies!
Today was the first day of milking twice a day. From now on it will only get busier for us. No more weekends off and more time here working our butts off! Well Farmer Brown working his butt off anyway haha!
Holly and I took a walk down to the calf shed this morning to check out the new arrivals. They seem to be settling in nicely. She didn't seem too impressed with them but I of course thought that they were really cute. You can judge for yourself...
Today was the first day of milking twice a day. From now on it will only get busier for us. No more weekends off and more time here working our butts off! Well Farmer Brown working his butt off anyway haha!
Holly and I took a walk down to the calf shed this morning to check out the new arrivals. They seem to be settling in nicely. She didn't seem too impressed with them but I of course thought that they were really cute. You can judge for yourself...
Saturday, July 6, 2013
The Best Laid Plans
So we decided that we would take off down to Mokau to the Inlaws bach for the weekend. We thought that we would make the most of our weekend off as calving is due to start next weekend. This means that is will probably be the last weekend away we get until after calving has calmed down.
We took our time getting down there. It is only 1 hour from the farm. I had discussed with Farmer Brown beforehand that we would just stay at the bach for the afternoon. Go down and spend Saturday in New Plymouth and then head home when we were ready to on Sunday. Previously (before we had Holly) we used to rush down before lunch. Throw all our gear out and head to New Plymouth, shop, catch a movie then head back to the bach for a sleep. Saturday we would go back to New Plymouth and do all the things we didn't get to do the day before. Then back for a sleep and head home to the farm on the Sunday.
We enjoyed a fabulous lunch in Pio Pio at Fat Pigeon Cafe. I had Chicken Chips and Curly Fries. Farmer Brown had the usual Eggs Benedict. Was busy as usual there but the service is always great and your food arrives pretty quick.
It was a beautiful day when we arrived in Mokau. You can tell it was beautiful as we could see the top of Mount Taranaki! You wouldn't normally even know the mountain was there any other day. We unpacked and settled in for the afternoon.
Miss Holly wasn't feeling the best and I fear that I may have shared my cold with her. I had been unwell for a couple of days myself. But you know what us Mums are like, you just carry on!
She had been sneezing on and off all afternoon. I had also noticed that her little nose was running down her face. Thankfully only clear snot so no infection - yet I hope!
She was a bit unsettled and only napping for about half and hour at a time. Normally she will have a big sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon.
Farmer Brown went and got us fish and chips for our dinner while I fed Miss Holly. She wouldn't go to sleep and I could just tell it was going to be a long night. I must have known something by that stage.
I dosed her up on Pamol before bed but again she was up and crying within half and hour. We decided to crash on the couch while Farmer Brown slept soundly in the other room. We were up pretty much ever hour on the hour for the rest of the night. Her poor nose was blocked and she was having trouble breathing, which is why she was waking.
Anyway I decided that it was time to go back to the farm once morning came around. I was so over it. Really tired and not feeling well myself. As usual Farmer Brown was helpful self NOT! He managed to do as little as possible packing things us and I managed to most of it with Miss Holly crying on my shoulder! Poor little Miss, not her fault that she is sick.
So we are back at the farm. Miss Holly had her bottle and lunch then hit the hay. She is still asleep as I type. Am not surprised as she didn't get much sleep last night thats for sure. Poor little darling! Farmer Brown decided that he would go to Hamilton for the afternoon. Pissed me off a bit as I am left here on my own again looking after our baby girl. But then I thought it was a great idea as I could have a nap myself to try and catch up on sleep that I didn't get last night.
So I am guessing it will be awhile before we get another break away. But thats okay in my books. Might get Farmer Brown to look at Miss Holly for a couple of hours tomorrow and go and have a coffee with one of my mates in Te Awamutu.
Happy holidays...well maybe next time haha!
We took our time getting down there. It is only 1 hour from the farm. I had discussed with Farmer Brown beforehand that we would just stay at the bach for the afternoon. Go down and spend Saturday in New Plymouth and then head home when we were ready to on Sunday. Previously (before we had Holly) we used to rush down before lunch. Throw all our gear out and head to New Plymouth, shop, catch a movie then head back to the bach for a sleep. Saturday we would go back to New Plymouth and do all the things we didn't get to do the day before. Then back for a sleep and head home to the farm on the Sunday.
We enjoyed a fabulous lunch in Pio Pio at Fat Pigeon Cafe. I had Chicken Chips and Curly Fries. Farmer Brown had the usual Eggs Benedict. Was busy as usual there but the service is always great and your food arrives pretty quick.
It was a beautiful day when we arrived in Mokau. You can tell it was beautiful as we could see the top of Mount Taranaki! You wouldn't normally even know the mountain was there any other day. We unpacked and settled in for the afternoon.
Miss Holly wasn't feeling the best and I fear that I may have shared my cold with her. I had been unwell for a couple of days myself. But you know what us Mums are like, you just carry on!
She had been sneezing on and off all afternoon. I had also noticed that her little nose was running down her face. Thankfully only clear snot so no infection - yet I hope!
She was a bit unsettled and only napping for about half and hour at a time. Normally she will have a big sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon.
Farmer Brown went and got us fish and chips for our dinner while I fed Miss Holly. She wouldn't go to sleep and I could just tell it was going to be a long night. I must have known something by that stage.
I dosed her up on Pamol before bed but again she was up and crying within half and hour. We decided to crash on the couch while Farmer Brown slept soundly in the other room. We were up pretty much ever hour on the hour for the rest of the night. Her poor nose was blocked and she was having trouble breathing, which is why she was waking.
Anyway I decided that it was time to go back to the farm once morning came around. I was so over it. Really tired and not feeling well myself. As usual Farmer Brown was helpful self NOT! He managed to do as little as possible packing things us and I managed to most of it with Miss Holly crying on my shoulder! Poor little Miss, not her fault that she is sick.
So we are back at the farm. Miss Holly had her bottle and lunch then hit the hay. She is still asleep as I type. Am not surprised as she didn't get much sleep last night thats for sure. Poor little darling! Farmer Brown decided that he would go to Hamilton for the afternoon. Pissed me off a bit as I am left here on my own again looking after our baby girl. But then I thought it was a great idea as I could have a nap myself to try and catch up on sleep that I didn't get last night.
So I am guessing it will be awhile before we get another break away. But thats okay in my books. Might get Farmer Brown to look at Miss Holly for a couple of hours tomorrow and go and have a coffee with one of my mates in Te Awamutu.
Happy holidays...well maybe next time haha!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
To Snore or Not to Snore...
So I don't know if I have ever mentioned it but Farmer Brown has a wicked snoring problem. Normally I just put up with it and a quick jab to his ribs generally results in him turning over and the quiet resumes.
I don't know what has changed. Maybe it was the arrival of our baby girl and the fact that sleep is of a premium now. But the snoring was getting so bad that Farmer Brown has been sleeping in the spare room at the other end of the house. The snoring is so bad that I can still hear him from down there!
We decided to investigate some options for fixing this. Off to the GP we went. He said that he would refer us to the ENT specialist in Hamilton. We got our appointment and off we headed. The Doc was really great, very informative and confidant that he would be able to either better the situation or fix it completely.
Farmer Brown would need to have to simple proceedures. First they would work on his soft palet and uvula (dingle dangle at the back of your throat). The Doc would reshape/reduce the uvula as well as increase the opening in the soft palet on either side of the uvula. This would create a bigger space for air to pass through when Farmer Browns tongue relaxes and drops to the back of his throat. This would be a half hour proceedure and would be painful afterwards, however strong pain relief would be given for us to take home and use.
Proceedure date arrived and off we headed to Hamilton with much hope. I didn't even have time to leave the surgery rooms before Farmer Brown was back out from having the proceedure done. He looked pretty good, if a little groggy, but that was to be expected. We would return in a week for a post op checkup.
Home to bed he went to have a rest for the remainder of the day. Loaded up on pain relief he slept the afternoon away.
So has it worked or not? Well that remains to be seen! I must admit that I am a little disappointed with the results as they are at the moment. He is still snoring and sleeping in the spare room. I am hoping that as the swelling goes down that the snoring will reduce and it will either become a lot quieter or stop altogether.
It has been 2 weeks since the proceedure was done and I must admit that some nights the snoring is little or none at all but other nights it is just like before the proceedure was done. We are to return to the Doc towards the end of the month for the second preceedure. This being to have to quote the paperwork: to have his turbines reemed! This will hopefully encourage Farmer Brown, who is a habitual mouth breather, to breath through his nose more and thus reduce the snoring issues.
We look forward to returning to have the final proceedure done and to see if it finaly has the results we are looking for!
I don't know what has changed. Maybe it was the arrival of our baby girl and the fact that sleep is of a premium now. But the snoring was getting so bad that Farmer Brown has been sleeping in the spare room at the other end of the house. The snoring is so bad that I can still hear him from down there!
We decided to investigate some options for fixing this. Off to the GP we went. He said that he would refer us to the ENT specialist in Hamilton. We got our appointment and off we headed. The Doc was really great, very informative and confidant that he would be able to either better the situation or fix it completely.
Farmer Brown would need to have to simple proceedures. First they would work on his soft palet and uvula (dingle dangle at the back of your throat). The Doc would reshape/reduce the uvula as well as increase the opening in the soft palet on either side of the uvula. This would create a bigger space for air to pass through when Farmer Browns tongue relaxes and drops to the back of his throat. This would be a half hour proceedure and would be painful afterwards, however strong pain relief would be given for us to take home and use.
Proceedure date arrived and off we headed to Hamilton with much hope. I didn't even have time to leave the surgery rooms before Farmer Brown was back out from having the proceedure done. He looked pretty good, if a little groggy, but that was to be expected. We would return in a week for a post op checkup.
Home to bed he went to have a rest for the remainder of the day. Loaded up on pain relief he slept the afternoon away.
So has it worked or not? Well that remains to be seen! I must admit that I am a little disappointed with the results as they are at the moment. He is still snoring and sleeping in the spare room. I am hoping that as the swelling goes down that the snoring will reduce and it will either become a lot quieter or stop altogether.
It has been 2 weeks since the proceedure was done and I must admit that some nights the snoring is little or none at all but other nights it is just like before the proceedure was done. We are to return to the Doc towards the end of the month for the second preceedure. This being to have to quote the paperwork: to have his turbines reemed! This will hopefully encourage Farmer Brown, who is a habitual mouth breather, to breath through his nose more and thus reduce the snoring issues.
We look forward to returning to have the final proceedure done and to see if it finaly has the results we are looking for!
Monday, July 1, 2013
A Week With Family
We have just come to the end of one of the best weeks this year so far. My brother and his wife were over visiting from Melbourne. They spent the first week of their holiday down in the South Island staying with our Mum. Then the flew into Auckland where Miss Holly and I collected them and brought them back to our farm where they would stay with us for a week.
This trip was exciting as last year they got to meet my "bump" while we were over in Melbourne and this time they got to me their neice Miss Holly for the first time!
Well you would have thought that they had all known each other for the whole 9 months that Holly has been with us. They were all like long lost friends. No stranger danger with my kid haha! I think that Uncle Balls and Aunty A nearly wore out the camera's on their phones with the amount of photos that were taken.
What was sweet about the trip too was that it was purely a come stay with us and get to know Holly. No need to do tours or day trips to see the sights and sounds of the local areas. As both Uncle Balls and Aunty A used to live in NZ there was just no need for any of that. Of course we did do a day trip to Rotorua to visit an old haunt of Uncle Balls from his famous mountain biking days. We had lunch at Fat Dog Cafe which is just as amazing as the last time that I was there! We also did a couple of trips to the big smoke of Hamilton, again to check out some old cafes that they used to enjoy. We also did a drive by of some of the houses that we had all lived in at some stage in Hamilton. That was quite fun, but I am not quite sure what people thought seeing us pull up, stop briefly to take a photo and then speed off again haha! At least the Police didn't catch up with us!
It was with sad hearts that we took Uncle Balls and Aunty A back to Auckland to catch their flight back home. We are now thinking that maybe I could be really brave and take Holly over there next year for a holiday. Not quite sure if I really want to take a little one on a plane trip but I would be stupid not to take advantage of the fact that she is "free" until the age of 2 years. Like I say, we will have to wait and see what happens there!
Holly sure had a great time meeting and making friends with Uncle Balls and Aunty A. I know that she made a special bond with them that will continue forever.
We look forward to seeing them both again soon xxx
This trip was exciting as last year they got to meet my "bump" while we were over in Melbourne and this time they got to me their neice Miss Holly for the first time!
Well you would have thought that they had all known each other for the whole 9 months that Holly has been with us. They were all like long lost friends. No stranger danger with my kid haha! I think that Uncle Balls and Aunty A nearly wore out the camera's on their phones with the amount of photos that were taken.
What was sweet about the trip too was that it was purely a come stay with us and get to know Holly. No need to do tours or day trips to see the sights and sounds of the local areas. As both Uncle Balls and Aunty A used to live in NZ there was just no need for any of that. Of course we did do a day trip to Rotorua to visit an old haunt of Uncle Balls from his famous mountain biking days. We had lunch at Fat Dog Cafe which is just as amazing as the last time that I was there! We also did a couple of trips to the big smoke of Hamilton, again to check out some old cafes that they used to enjoy. We also did a drive by of some of the houses that we had all lived in at some stage in Hamilton. That was quite fun, but I am not quite sure what people thought seeing us pull up, stop briefly to take a photo and then speed off again haha! At least the Police didn't catch up with us!
It was with sad hearts that we took Uncle Balls and Aunty A back to Auckland to catch their flight back home. We are now thinking that maybe I could be really brave and take Holly over there next year for a holiday. Not quite sure if I really want to take a little one on a plane trip but I would be stupid not to take advantage of the fact that she is "free" until the age of 2 years. Like I say, we will have to wait and see what happens there!
Holly sure had a great time meeting and making friends with Uncle Balls and Aunty A. I know that she made a special bond with them that will continue forever.
We look forward to seeing them both again soon xxx
Thursday, April 4, 2013
I'm sorry what did you say??
So there are times in ones life when we find ourselves totally speechless due to words coming from another. Now those that know me, know that I am never short of a word or a million. The old verbal diarrhoea thats me. Anyway I had one of those times in my life where I found myself with my mouth dropped open and no words able to come out...
We were up at the Big House for dinner over the Easter weekend. The Big House is the residence of Holly's Grandparents (Farmer Brown's Mum and Dad). Now for some reason they don't seem to be getting the hang of being Grandparents too well. Don't get me wrong they love little Miss Holly to pieces but they have nothing up at their house for her. No toys, no cot/bed for her to sleep in, no chairs for her to sit on, no play mat for her to lie and play on. Holly is normally presented with a scabby old brown towel to lie on the floor on. Holly only has what is in her nappy bag, that I bring, to play with when we go up there. I have stopped dragging all her stuff up there and think that it is about time they came to the party.
Anyway...the usual scabby old brown towel is brought out for Holly to lie on. Only this time Nanny brings out two large square pillows from the media room. Now these are no ordinary pillows...these are the pillows that we normally put our feet up on when we are in there watching rugby etc! Nanny suggests that Holly could be propped up against them on the floor while we eat our dinner. Wasn't too keen on the fact that they were the "feet" pillows, but regardless of this she was placed on the wooden floor and of course she just slid everywhere. She isn't able to sit on her own yet, so everytime she was placed up against the pillow while sitting on the towel she of course just slides everywhere. Adding to the fact that she is really active at the moment she ended up flat on her back on the floor again after wiggling and sqwirming round like she does.
So here it comes...the mouth open wide moment...are you ready for this...you had better sit down...
Nanny speaks up now: "How about we tie her to the dinning chair so that she can sit up at the table with us?"
WTF - was running through my head. Thank god this was one of the few times in my life where I managed to jam the brake on my tongue before I said what I was really thinking!
I managed calmly to say "Umm, no I don't think that is very appropriate. To tie her to a chair. Considering the chair is leather she will probably slide off." To which Nanny replied "Oh well we could get one of the plastic outside chairs and tie her to that instead." Again WTF? "Umm, no I really don't want her tied to anything. I will just hold on to her while I eat my dinner thanks".
Like I said...LOST FOR WORDS!
This comes on top of another incident a couple of days before...
Farmer Brown and I had arranged for Nanny to look after Holly for a couple of hours so that we could go to the movies at the local theatre. Now this is only the second time that we have "alone time" since we had Holly.
We decided we would go on Easter Friday as the shops were shut and we could go shopping on Saturday when they reopened. Friday morning I get a call from Nanny asking what day we were going to the movies. "Um today as we had arranged when we asked you, why?" Nanny: "We want to take our friends out to the coast to look at the waterfall and then stay out there for dinner as that way we can show them the glow worms on our way back to the farm. You could go tomorrow to the movies if you want." Me: "Well we were going to go today as the shops are closed and there isn't much to do. I will have to check and see if the movie is on tomorrow." "Oh it is, I have already checked for you. So I will see you tomorrow then?" Me "Sure whatever."
OMG what grandparent does that? It's not like we ask them all the time to look after Holly. And the "friends" they wanted to take out to the coast...well they are the same friends that are here every other weekend which of course means they could go out there any number of times when they are here. When these friends come to stay they are normally here for 4 or 5 days so plenty of time to do this. I just don't get it!
We didn't end up going to the movies on either days. Don't think that I will be asking them again to look after Holly in a hurry! Felt really let down and disappointed. During conversation at the infamous dinner, I asked how their trip out to the coast went. I know naughty but I just couldn't help myself. Granddad tells me he didn't even go, as he didn't really want to since they had only been out there doing the same things a week ago and that he gets car sick on the windy road out there! Nanny then tells me that they didn't end up staying for dinner out there or looking at the glow worms and were home later in the afternoon! WTF?! Holy Crap Batman!
Yep yep yep...speechless again! I am surprised my head didn't explode off my shoulders!
Then just to top that night off I was told several times after dinner what a mean Mummy I was...why you ask?
Well I wanted to show them how Holly can roll over now, as they haven't seen her do that yet. I put her down on one of the plush mats that I have in the nappy bag for her to lie on when at visitors places. I put one of her favourite toys, also in the nappy bag, just out of her reach so that she can grab out for it and roll over to show her grandparents just how cool and clever she is. Well how wrong could I be. Nanny grabs up the toy and puts it in front of Holly while telling me how mean I am for doing that. How would I feel I she put things out of my reach so I couldn't get to it? WTF? (man I have said that a lot in the blog. Sorry!)
In my mind I am saying "just walk away, just walk away!" I must have changed a bit since I became a Mum, because I would normally just have lost the plot at someone saying something like that to me. Holly has mallowed me it would seem!
Right I think I can put that behind me now. Man it feels better to get that off my chest! Sorry if your ears are bleeding! haha!
Lets hope the only reasons in the future that I am left speechless are times when my amazing little girl does things that blow my mind!
We were up at the Big House for dinner over the Easter weekend. The Big House is the residence of Holly's Grandparents (Farmer Brown's Mum and Dad). Now for some reason they don't seem to be getting the hang of being Grandparents too well. Don't get me wrong they love little Miss Holly to pieces but they have nothing up at their house for her. No toys, no cot/bed for her to sleep in, no chairs for her to sit on, no play mat for her to lie and play on. Holly is normally presented with a scabby old brown towel to lie on the floor on. Holly only has what is in her nappy bag, that I bring, to play with when we go up there. I have stopped dragging all her stuff up there and think that it is about time they came to the party.
Anyway...the usual scabby old brown towel is brought out for Holly to lie on. Only this time Nanny brings out two large square pillows from the media room. Now these are no ordinary pillows...these are the pillows that we normally put our feet up on when we are in there watching rugby etc! Nanny suggests that Holly could be propped up against them on the floor while we eat our dinner. Wasn't too keen on the fact that they were the "feet" pillows, but regardless of this she was placed on the wooden floor and of course she just slid everywhere. She isn't able to sit on her own yet, so everytime she was placed up against the pillow while sitting on the towel she of course just slides everywhere. Adding to the fact that she is really active at the moment she ended up flat on her back on the floor again after wiggling and sqwirming round like she does.
So here it comes...the mouth open wide moment...are you ready for this...you had better sit down...
Nanny speaks up now: "How about we tie her to the dinning chair so that she can sit up at the table with us?"
WTF - was running through my head. Thank god this was one of the few times in my life where I managed to jam the brake on my tongue before I said what I was really thinking!
I managed calmly to say "Umm, no I don't think that is very appropriate. To tie her to a chair. Considering the chair is leather she will probably slide off." To which Nanny replied "Oh well we could get one of the plastic outside chairs and tie her to that instead." Again WTF? "Umm, no I really don't want her tied to anything. I will just hold on to her while I eat my dinner thanks".
Like I said...LOST FOR WORDS!
This comes on top of another incident a couple of days before...
Farmer Brown and I had arranged for Nanny to look after Holly for a couple of hours so that we could go to the movies at the local theatre. Now this is only the second time that we have "alone time" since we had Holly.
We decided we would go on Easter Friday as the shops were shut and we could go shopping on Saturday when they reopened. Friday morning I get a call from Nanny asking what day we were going to the movies. "Um today as we had arranged when we asked you, why?" Nanny: "We want to take our friends out to the coast to look at the waterfall and then stay out there for dinner as that way we can show them the glow worms on our way back to the farm. You could go tomorrow to the movies if you want." Me: "Well we were going to go today as the shops are closed and there isn't much to do. I will have to check and see if the movie is on tomorrow." "Oh it is, I have already checked for you. So I will see you tomorrow then?" Me "Sure whatever."
OMG what grandparent does that? It's not like we ask them all the time to look after Holly. And the "friends" they wanted to take out to the coast...well they are the same friends that are here every other weekend which of course means they could go out there any number of times when they are here. When these friends come to stay they are normally here for 4 or 5 days so plenty of time to do this. I just don't get it!
We didn't end up going to the movies on either days. Don't think that I will be asking them again to look after Holly in a hurry! Felt really let down and disappointed. During conversation at the infamous dinner, I asked how their trip out to the coast went. I know naughty but I just couldn't help myself. Granddad tells me he didn't even go, as he didn't really want to since they had only been out there doing the same things a week ago and that he gets car sick on the windy road out there! Nanny then tells me that they didn't end up staying for dinner out there or looking at the glow worms and were home later in the afternoon! WTF?! Holy Crap Batman!
Yep yep yep...speechless again! I am surprised my head didn't explode off my shoulders!
Then just to top that night off I was told several times after dinner what a mean Mummy I was...why you ask?
Well I wanted to show them how Holly can roll over now, as they haven't seen her do that yet. I put her down on one of the plush mats that I have in the nappy bag for her to lie on when at visitors places. I put one of her favourite toys, also in the nappy bag, just out of her reach so that she can grab out for it and roll over to show her grandparents just how cool and clever she is. Well how wrong could I be. Nanny grabs up the toy and puts it in front of Holly while telling me how mean I am for doing that. How would I feel I she put things out of my reach so I couldn't get to it? WTF? (man I have said that a lot in the blog. Sorry!)
In my mind I am saying "just walk away, just walk away!" I must have changed a bit since I became a Mum, because I would normally just have lost the plot at someone saying something like that to me. Holly has mallowed me it would seem!
Right I think I can put that behind me now. Man it feels better to get that off my chest! Sorry if your ears are bleeding! haha!
Lets hope the only reasons in the future that I am left speechless are times when my amazing little girl does things that blow my mind!
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