The First Counselling Session...

So a follow up from the last post...

Farmer Brown and I went to the Big Smoke yesterday and we had a big chat on way through. I really don't think he gets where I am coming from with our current situation. He is only seeing it from how it has been effecting him.

For example he has now on at least 3 occasions mentioned that Baby Girl is "just another spanner in the works" for him. I see it as "another challenge" for us to in our new family. I don't like that he feels like this and has started to verbalise it as so. I am actually really offended to be honest. He sees his daughter as a "spanner in the works"?! Its not like he is looking after 7 days a week. He just carries on his day to day routine like nothing has changed since we had her. I would really like to see him do a week in my shoes!

He had his first appointment with the Counsellor this morning. He came in a reasonable mood from his appointment. He has been given homework to do each day. He has to write down in a notebook 3 things that he has achieved during the day. He said that she didn't give him any guidelines or suggestions on what sort of this he is to achieve. Will be interesting to see what he writes down.

I asked what they had talked about. He said he went over his story from woe to go. Talked about how his Dad winds him up as does the farm. That his daughter was another spanner in the works to deal with. That I get stressed having to look after her 7 days a week, that she is going into daycare soon.

You know its really funny as most of the things that she has suggested he do are things that I have suggested to him in the past. He has never taken any of it onboard. Hopefully now because it has come from a professional he will take it on board.

I find myself now fighting my own old demons from a past long ago. I feel quite overwhelmed some days. I feel like I am failing as a mother and a wife as my husband thinks that our daughter is a spanner in the works, that I don't have dinner cooked and served to him every night, that I don't look after our daughter well enough so that he isn't so stressed all the time etc.

I know in my mind that these things are not true and that I am doing the best that I can under the circumstances. I have fought hard to get my life on track and I am not going to let this get me down. I am doing the best I can to look after my unwell husband, look after, educate and bring up our little girl on my own and continue to do the things that I enjoy like my Volunteer Ambulance work.

I draw strength from those around me who are great influences. You know who you are my people!